User blogs

Dear Captain,

I (she/her, 30s) have been with my husband (he/him, 30s) for ten years now. We both enjoy traveling and we used to do it a lot more. I’m a freelancer who has always maintained a very flexible schedule and my husband’s job used to offer him a great deal of flexibility, too. Since we have no kids (and no plans for any), it was easy to take longer/more spontaneous trips. However, while the pandemic undeniably threw a huge wrench in our getaways, now there’s a different hitch.

My husband changed careers right when things slowly began reopening, and we basically haven’t traveled since. In his current job, he doesn’t have as much PTO as he did previously and it’s much harder to take more than a week off consecutively. I feel churlish complaining about this, because it’s the career path he’s wanted for a long time, that he’s worked hard to achieve, and that he’s very good at and well respected within. But travel used to be such a fun part of our relationship together. A good example of this is the two-week overseas trip we planned that got scuppered by COVID and still hasn’t happened four years later. I keep looking up itinerary ideas for that huge trip, or looking at old travel photos, or investigating new places to go, and then sighing and closing the window.

I know I shouldn’t let this fester. Our relationship is otherwise great, and I’m trying to find modifications like day trips or staycations, but it’s not the same. When I look at those old plans, which are now wildly out of date, I can’t help but have the thought that, by myself, I could have taken a trip like this every year. It’s a poisonous thought, and I recognize that. But I’m grieving part of our relationship that I loved.

He misses traveling, too, but “quit the job you love and find something less fulfilling so that I we can travel more” is a hell of an ask from a spouse.

What can I do to make peace with the life we lead now instead of the life we used to have?

Thanks,

Grounded

Dear Grounded,

It’s time to pull out a calendar and plan two trips. Vacations are like student film shoots, weddings, family reunions, moving house, and asking people on dates in this way: All agreements to participate, no matter how enthusiastic, are conditional until there are specific dates attached. Asking people if they want to do a thing in theory is not the same as telling them when you’re doing the thing and inviting them to join you at a specific time and place. If you start with a time you know works for you, you can negotiate as you go, but the longer you wait to find the magical perfect time when everything and everyone is available, the more you increase the risk that no one and nothing will be available.

The first trip is a joint vacation. If two-week blocks are hard to come by, then what’s a destination that makes sense for a week away within the next year? If your husband can’t go now, and he can’t go soon, then when *precisely* can he go? He’s been there long enough to know when the busy periods are and have a sense of how to budget his leave time, and the further in advance he books his vacations the more time his employer will have to plan. If he lets his job decide when he’s even allowed to ask for time off, he’ll never go, and if you wait for him to wait for them, you’ll never go. Plan it now.

The second trip is a solo journey or one you can take with a good friend or family member. You have a flexible job and a strong desire to travel. You have information that your husband’s schedule and priorities don’t allow him to accompany you like he did before, and you have information that if you wait until he is free, you’ll never go anywhere. What do you want to do with that information? You identify it as “a poisonous thought” that you’re trying to talk yourself out of, but why? Your husband may be your favorite traveling companion, but where is it written that he must be your only one for the rest of time? The subject of your email was:”How much resentment is too much resentment in a marriage?” Meaning, you already resent him. While the ideal amount of resentment in a marriage is probably close to zero, if there’s no way for everyone to get everything they want, why should the status quo mean it’s you who loses out every time? Would he resent you for going without him? If yes, is that better or worse than whatever is happening now?

You can’t go everywhere together like you originally planned, and you can’t expect your husband to give up a fulfilling career to roam the world at your side, so what can you do to get more of what you need? Start with two vacations and see how you feel.

Couples, like Dave and Tina, seek out sex therapy because both partners are frustrated with their sexual dynamics. Dave complains about the little sexual connection they have, and Tina fires […]

The post 5 Tips to Improve Sex (from a Sex Therapist) appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

Studies show there are positive outcomes for toddlers who engage in playtime with their dads.

The post The Power of Playtime with Dad appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

In today's fast-paced world, the demand for peak performance, unwavering focus, and extended periods of productivity has never been higher. Whether you're a student preparing for exams, a professional aiming to meet tight deadlines, or simply someone seeking to optimize their cognitive functions, finding reliable support is crucial. Modalert is a renowned nootropic that has gained acclaim for its ability to enhance mental acuity and sustain wakefulness.

Modalert is a brand name for modafinil, a prescription medication initially developed to treat sleep disorders such as narcolepsy, obstructive sleep apnea, and shift work sleep disorder. However, beyond its medical uses, Modalert 200 Australia has garnered a reputation as a cognitive enhancer. Its effectiveness in promoting alertness and mental clarity has made it a popular choice among individuals looking to push their mental boundaries.>>

Modalert works by altering the natural chemicals (neurotransmitters) in the brain. Unlike traditional stimulants, Modalert's exact mechanism of action isn't fully understood, but it is known to increase the release of monoamines, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, while also modulating the levels of other neurochemicals involved in wakefulness and cognition. This results in heightened alertness, improved concentration, and reduced perception of fatigue.

1. Enhanced Focus and Concentration: Users often report a significant boost in their ability to concentrate on tasks, making it easier to manage complex projects and sustain attention for extended periods.

2. Improved Memory and Learning: Modalert has been associated with better memory retention and faster learning, essential for students and professionals engaged in intensive study or training.

3. Increased Wakefulness: For those who struggle with staying awake and alert during critical times, Modalert provides a reliable solution to combat drowsiness and maintain peak performance.

4. Mood Enhancement: Some users experience an uplifted mood, which can contribute to better overall mental health and productivity.

While Modalert offers numerous benefits, it is essential to use it responsibly. Here are some guidelines to ensure safe and effective use:

• Consult a Healthcare Professional: Before starting Modalert, consult with a doctor to ensure it is appropriate for your health condition and to understand the correct dosage.

• Follow Dosage Instructions: Adhere strictly to the prescribed dosage. Overuse or misuse can lead to adverse effects.

• Stay Hydrated and Maintain a Healthy Diet: Proper hydration and nutrition can help mitigate potential side effects and support overall health.

• Avoid Dependency: Use Modalert as a tool for peak performance but avoid becoming reliant on it for daily functioning.

Modalert has established itself as a potent ally in the quest for peak performance. By enhancing focus, concentration, and wakefulness, it enables individuals to tackle demanding tasks with greater efficiency and effectiveness. However, like any powerful tool, it must be used responsibly and under professional guidance to ensure it contributes positively to one's cognitive health and productivity goals.

In a world of billions, each of us has been touched by someone who has filled the role of a “dad figure.” It might be a biological father, an adoptive dad, a stepfather, a father-in-law, a mentor, a friend’s dad, a grandpa or uncle, or even an older brother who stepped up. These connections are as diverse as they are meaningful. Some have known fathers who faced neglect, shame, or criticism, while others have been blessed with incredible father figures who walked with them, offering unwavering support and love. For some, Father’s Day brings a poignant mix of grief and longing for a father lost or the pain of a troubled relationship. For others, it’s a time of joyous celebration and deep gratitude for the dad who has been a source of inspiration and strength.

I wish I could speak to every situation but unfortunately, I have a word limit ;). So, THIS blog is for those of you in a committed relationship with kids looking to celebrate the man partnering with you to raise some pretty amazing kids.

A life raising kids is one of the most layered “both/and’s” of all time. It is both incredible and exhausting, beautiful and heartbreaking, the easiest love you’ll ever feel and the most agonizing decisions you’ll ever make, and at any one time you and your partner could feel any mix of happy, sad, confused, angry, helpless, terrified, proud, disappointed, annoyed, frustrated, love, dislike, fulfillment or the opposite. It truly hits every major button of the “human experience” and nobody understands what you’re going through better than the person doing it with you. Sometimes, the panic suppresses the praise-worthy moments and it’s hard to verbalize what doing this thing together really means to you. 

If that’s you, then here are three things to say to your partner on Father’s Day:

Tell him the amazing qualities about your kids that they are learning from him:

“Carter has been responsible and working so hard on his science project and I know he learned that work ethic from you!” 

“Layla is so intentional to give me a hug and kiss before she goes to school and I was thinking about how happy I am that you set that example for her.”

“All of our kids are so generous with their time and their friendship and in watching them, I remembered that is one of the first things that attracted me to you and still is!”

Tell him the amazing qualities of his fatherhood, whether he learned them from his father or despite him:

“I notice that every time one of our kids asks you to read them a bedtime story you stop whatever you’re doing and connect with them.”

“It’s always been important to you to be the kind of dad whose kids trust and respect him since you didn’t have that and I want you to know that is exactly the dad I see and they see when we look at you!”

“Your dad always made sure to stop and enjoy the little moments with you and it is so beautiful to see that you do the same thing with our kids!”

Tell him the ways you know you can count on him as a dad and what that means to you in your relationship:

“I feel so lucky and thankful that we work hard to be a team; our kids are half of both of us and it truly feels like we are both there for them and I appreciate that”

“When you get the kids ready for school in the morning so that I can get ready for work, I feel so supported and loved by you.”

“Every time you take Johnny out for one-on-one time, he comes back and tells me about how much fun you had together, and as I’m listening, it makes me fall in love with you all over again to know that my kids have you for their dad”. 

Gift Ideas for Father’s Day from Marriage365

Check out our Parenting MasterClass – This is a great gift to give your partner this Father’s Day as a way of supporting each other and deepening your connection with your family.  

If you think “dad” prefers a light-hearted gift this Father’s Day, check out our book 365 Connecting Questions for Families.

Marriage365 Membership has been proven to be the kind of “marriage work” that husbands actually enjoy. Give your spouse the gift of a healthy marriage, whether you already have one or it might need a little work. Your kids will thank you!

Or perhaps all you need is a special card on Father’s Day, try to think of one idea from each of the three listed above and write them in a card for your partner this Father’s Day.

Lastly, Happy Father’s Day to all of the incredible dads out there who are trying to pour their love and lives into their kids! 

Marriage365 offers videos, courses, and podcasts filled with practical skills and guidance to build stronger, more connected marriages. Learn more about our Membership.

Written by Anna Collins

Anna Collins lives in California with her husband and four children. She is passionate about her marriage, staying at home with her kids, writing, coffee, good conversation, and game night. Her life dream is to someday write a book and see it published.

The post How to Recognize your Partner’s Contributions on Father’s Day appeared first on Marriage365®.

Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/how-to-recognize-your-partners-contributions-on-fathers-day/