User blogs

Studies show there are positive outcomes for toddlers who engage in playtime with their dads.

The post The Power of Playtime with Dad appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

In today's fast-paced world, the demand for peak performance, unwavering focus, and extended periods of productivity has never been higher. Whether you're a student preparing for exams, a professional aiming to meet tight deadlines, or simply someone seeking to optimize their cognitive functions, finding reliable support is crucial. Modalert is a renowned nootropic that has gained acclaim for its ability to enhance mental acuity and sustain wakefulness.

Modalert is a brand name for modafinil, a prescription medication initially developed to treat sleep disorders such as narcolepsy, obstructive sleep apnea, and shift work sleep disorder. However, beyond its medical uses, Modalert 200 Australia has garnered a reputation as a cognitive enhancer. Its effectiveness in promoting alertness and mental clarity has made it a popular choice among individuals looking to push their mental boundaries.>>

Modalert works by altering the natural chemicals (neurotransmitters) in the brain. Unlike traditional stimulants, Modalert's exact mechanism of action isn't fully understood, but it is known to increase the release of monoamines, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, while also modulating the levels of other neurochemicals involved in wakefulness and cognition. This results in heightened alertness, improved concentration, and reduced perception of fatigue.

1. Enhanced Focus and Concentration: Users often report a significant boost in their ability to concentrate on tasks, making it easier to manage complex projects and sustain attention for extended periods.

2. Improved Memory and Learning: Modalert has been associated with better memory retention and faster learning, essential for students and professionals engaged in intensive study or training.

3. Increased Wakefulness: For those who struggle with staying awake and alert during critical times, Modalert provides a reliable solution to combat drowsiness and maintain peak performance.

4. Mood Enhancement: Some users experience an uplifted mood, which can contribute to better overall mental health and productivity.

While Modalert offers numerous benefits, it is essential to use it responsibly. Here are some guidelines to ensure safe and effective use:

• Consult a Healthcare Professional: Before starting Modalert, consult with a doctor to ensure it is appropriate for your health condition and to understand the correct dosage.

• Follow Dosage Instructions: Adhere strictly to the prescribed dosage. Overuse or misuse can lead to adverse effects.

• Stay Hydrated and Maintain a Healthy Diet: Proper hydration and nutrition can help mitigate potential side effects and support overall health.

• Avoid Dependency: Use Modalert as a tool for peak performance but avoid becoming reliant on it for daily functioning.

Modalert has established itself as a potent ally in the quest for peak performance. By enhancing focus, concentration, and wakefulness, it enables individuals to tackle demanding tasks with greater efficiency and effectiveness. However, like any powerful tool, it must be used responsibly and under professional guidance to ensure it contributes positively to one's cognitive health and productivity goals.

In a world of billions, each of us has been touched by someone who has filled the role of a “dad figure.” It might be a biological father, an adoptive dad, a stepfather, a father-in-law, a mentor, a friend’s dad, a grandpa or uncle, or even an older brother who stepped up. These connections are as diverse as they are meaningful. Some have known fathers who faced neglect, shame, or criticism, while others have been blessed with incredible father figures who walked with them, offering unwavering support and love. For some, Father’s Day brings a poignant mix of grief and longing for a father lost or the pain of a troubled relationship. For others, it’s a time of joyous celebration and deep gratitude for the dad who has been a source of inspiration and strength.

I wish I could speak to every situation but unfortunately, I have a word limit ;). So, THIS blog is for those of you in a committed relationship with kids looking to celebrate the man partnering with you to raise some pretty amazing kids.

A life raising kids is one of the most layered “both/and’s” of all time. It is both incredible and exhausting, beautiful and heartbreaking, the easiest love you’ll ever feel and the most agonizing decisions you’ll ever make, and at any one time you and your partner could feel any mix of happy, sad, confused, angry, helpless, terrified, proud, disappointed, annoyed, frustrated, love, dislike, fulfillment or the opposite. It truly hits every major button of the “human experience” and nobody understands what you’re going through better than the person doing it with you. Sometimes, the panic suppresses the praise-worthy moments and it’s hard to verbalize what doing this thing together really means to you. 

If that’s you, then here are three things to say to your partner on Father’s Day:

Tell him the amazing qualities about your kids that they are learning from him:

“Carter has been responsible and working so hard on his science project and I know he learned that work ethic from you!” 

“Layla is so intentional to give me a hug and kiss before she goes to school and I was thinking about how happy I am that you set that example for her.”

“All of our kids are so generous with their time and their friendship and in watching them, I remembered that is one of the first things that attracted me to you and still is!”

Tell him the amazing qualities of his fatherhood, whether he learned them from his father or despite him:

“I notice that every time one of our kids asks you to read them a bedtime story you stop whatever you’re doing and connect with them.”

“It’s always been important to you to be the kind of dad whose kids trust and respect him since you didn’t have that and I want you to know that is exactly the dad I see and they see when we look at you!”

“Your dad always made sure to stop and enjoy the little moments with you and it is so beautiful to see that you do the same thing with our kids!”

Tell him the ways you know you can count on him as a dad and what that means to you in your relationship:

“I feel so lucky and thankful that we work hard to be a team; our kids are half of both of us and it truly feels like we are both there for them and I appreciate that”

“When you get the kids ready for school in the morning so that I can get ready for work, I feel so supported and loved by you.”

“Every time you take Johnny out for one-on-one time, he comes back and tells me about how much fun you had together, and as I’m listening, it makes me fall in love with you all over again to know that my kids have you for their dad”. 

Gift Ideas for Father’s Day from Marriage365

Check out our Parenting MasterClass – This is a great gift to give your partner this Father’s Day as a way of supporting each other and deepening your connection with your family.  

If you think “dad” prefers a light-hearted gift this Father’s Day, check out our book 365 Connecting Questions for Families.

Marriage365 Membership has been proven to be the kind of “marriage work” that husbands actually enjoy. Give your spouse the gift of a healthy marriage, whether you already have one or it might need a little work. Your kids will thank you!

Or perhaps all you need is a special card on Father’s Day, try to think of one idea from each of the three listed above and write them in a card for your partner this Father’s Day.

Lastly, Happy Father’s Day to all of the incredible dads out there who are trying to pour their love and lives into their kids! 

Marriage365 offers videos, courses, and podcasts filled with practical skills and guidance to build stronger, more connected marriages. Learn more about our Membership.

Written by Anna Collins

Anna Collins lives in California with her husband and four children. She is passionate about her marriage, staying at home with her kids, writing, coffee, good conversation, and game night. Her life dream is to someday write a book and see it published.

The post How to Recognize your Partner’s Contributions on Father’s Day appeared first on Marriage365®.

Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/how-to-recognize-your-partners-contributions-on-fathers-day/

How emotion coaching and tribal wisdom made this single dad thrive

The post Fatherhood’s Unexpected Silver Lining  appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

Content note for body policing and mentions of BMI and specific weights, which I would normally redact with prejudice but I am leaving in this time because they are evidence of what an absolute non-issue this guy is escalating into an issue. To be clear, this would be a husband-problem with *any* numbers of *any* size, but just like the guy who had seven or eight investment cars, sometimes real numbers do bring home the absurdity of a situation.

Hey Captain,

I’m a 32-year-old woman married to a 34-year-old man. We’ve been married 4 years and have a beautiful 2 year old. For our whole relationship, my level of physical activity has been a problem topic. My husband is very physically active. He used to play soccer (had to stop due to an injury), walks, bikes, hikes, etc. When we met, I also was reasonably physically active, but doing totally different activities (yoga, dance) 1-2× per week.

We got married during COVID and I got pregnant relatively quickly. During pregnancy and since we’ve had our baby (now active, running-around-all-the-time toddler) I admit my physical activity has dropped to just functional things like childcare and walking around and running after our kid. I’ve done the odd dance workshop but am definitely not doing any regular scheduled exercise each week. I am of average weight (BMI in normal range) and am net 8 pounds heavier than I was when my husband and I met. In the 4 years we’ve been married, besides pregnancy and postpartum, I’ve also had another minor abdominal surgery.

Every few months, my husband and I will have a conversation in which he expresses that he’s quite upset that my level of physical activity is so low, and that he wishes we were doing more active things together. Ideally, he’d love to hike more together. Hiking has never been an activity I’ve enjoyed, and since we’ve been married my husband hasn’t been hiking much either although he used to do a lot more of it before (multi-hour, several-mile, strenuous hikes). A couple weeks ago, we had this conversation again, and he said if he’d known this is where we’d be 4 years after marriage, and if he’d known this would be my baseline level of physical activity, he would have reconsidered getting married.

My reaction was that (1) I am healthy and normal, and not on track for any kind of adverse outcome due to my health, (2) we have a good relationship other than this one point: he’s a great and involved dad, we live in a beautiful place in a house we love, and I bring a lot to the table (make as much if not more money than him, great mom, loving and caring and kind to him).

His reaction was that being of average health isn’t enough — his expectation in a partner is that they be of above-average health and activity, and he’s not willing to reconsider that, but he does want to work on our marriage and relationship. He reiterated that it’s not about weight for him, and that while he’d love a hiking partner he’d also just love for me to do whatever I want to do, as long as it’s some level of exercise ~3-4 times per week. Our sex life has been dead postpartum, and I think it’s due to this.

For my part, I agree that I used to do more when we met, but it doesn’t seem right that there’s no allowance for the fact that in the 4 years we’ve been married, it’s been COVID, pregnancy, postpartum, and another surgery for me. I do wish I was more active (I’m able-bodied and am physically able to do more than I typically do each week) but I don’t honestly know what’s stopping me. I’m also worried I won’t be able to meet my husband’s standards even if I tried. Our marriage feels like it’s on the rocks, and my self esteem is really low at this point. Where do we go from here?

Hello, thank you for your question, and I’m sorry you married someone who has chosen to be #ThisFuckingGuy for the time being.

If your husband is telling the truth that he married you under the assumption that that you would transform into a different person who liked all he same things he liked, and he’s been waiting all along for you to magically mutate, that is a him-problem, not a you-problem. Maybe he should talk to a counselor about why he is having so much trouble letting go of his unrealistic fantasies and why he’s making you responsible for fulfilling them. If this is about his fears about your mortality after some serious health issues, a counselor can help with that, too.

If your husband is anxious about his own activity levels post-injury, post-COVID, post-baby, etc. then maybe instead of blaming a person who has never been interested in hiking he should join a hiking club for men or make some friends who hike or call up his old hiking buddies and do more hiking. That is another him-problem, which also needs to take into account the fact that *any* long-distance hiking, biking, etc. he’s been able to do since your child was born has been facilitated by you being available to watch your child (i.e. Not Hiking).

Whenever dads have energy to work out or do other fun things and moms do not, there’s a simple, obvious solution to that. If he wants you to start an exercise routine so bad, where’s the part where he volunteers to take on the childcare duties or allocate the necessary funds for a sitter that would open up enough leisure time to make that not just possible for you, but pleasurable for you? Meaning, you get enough time to hit the yoga studio or dance class four times a week if you want to *and* catch up with friends & family *and* do other leisure activities you enjoy *and* get enough rest and time to chill out, not just that you replace all of your current free time activities with assigned workouts. He says he wants to work on the marriage, but all he’s done so far is assign you work.

There were much better ways to have these conversations. “I appreciate how you always make time for me to go hiking and biking, can we switch it up so that you can get some workouts in too?” “I really miss our sex life, can we sit down and figure out some ways to reconnect, and is there anything I can do to make carving out the time and space for that easier on you?” “If I can find a counselor, do you think we could benefit from having some outside guidance and perspective?” “If we can get the grandparents to watch Kiddo for a few days, do you want to go to this vacation spot with me? They have a lot of hiking and biking trails, but they also have yoga/pilates/dance stuff, a lake with swimming, and a great spa and massage package.” “You don’t have to do anything, just say yes and get the days off from work, I’ll plan the rest.”

You say you’re “worried that you won’t be able to meet your husband’s standards even if you tried.”  You’re correct to worry! If he’s making your post-childbirth, post-surgery body into a load-bearing repository for all of his anxieties about marriage, sex, aging, parenting, etc. you won’t ever be able to meet his standards, because they will change to fit whatever his anxiety decides should be all your body’s fault this time. When he says “…his expectation in a partner is that they be of above-average health and activity, and he’s not willing to reconsider that…” that doesn’t sound like a person who is planning to grow old together. What if you got diagnosed with a serious illness? Is he telling you that he would not stick around?

Where do you go from here? If I could wave a magic wand and send you out of town for a week with your best girlfriend so you could think things over while he does all the parenting and household stuff, I would. Maybe there’s a yoga retreat or something you could sign up for. If he truly would leave you unless you become a dedicated athlete to his exacting standards, then maybe he needs a chance to miss you for a while and make some decisions, too.

Possible discussion points: “You say you wouldn’t have married me if you’d known that this is how I would be four years in, and I guess you have a right to that opinion. If I had known you felt this way, I would have thought twice about planning to grow old with you, and I definitely would have re-considered giving birth to your child. But here we all are.”

“If you want to find a couple’s counselor for us, I’d be willing to go with you, and if you want to talk to someone on your own that might also be a good idea. I’d love to have more free time to even contemplate working out, so let’s pull out the calendar and see how we can re-balance the parenting workload to make that possible.”

“But let me be absolutely clear: I am satisfied with my body and state of health given the events of the past few years and my current time commitments. And I have zero intention of changing myself into someone who enjoys the same intensity and frequency of workouts that you do. If that’s a deal breaker for you, and you want to be married to a totally different person, then tell me sooner rather than later. I’m going to get away for a few days to give us both a little space to think.”

By negging you this way, he thinks he’s setting up a situation that incentivizes you to try to win him over/ back and prove how much you love him, and it hasn’t occurred to him that he shit the bed so hard and thoroughly here that you won’t let him near you until he can convince you that he’s worth trusting. I hope he rises to the occasion, but if he doesn’t, probably better that you find out now.