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I’m not sure about you, but….
I don’t want to look back 20 years from now and know that I missed out on some of my life’s greatest memories, all because I was scrolling on my phone. Marriages today are suffering for many reasons, but cell phone usage is by far on the top 10.
Here are some depressing, honest, and eye-opening statistics that you need to know:
→ The average person spends approximately 5 hours a day on their phone.
→ 10% of couples admit that they have looked at their phone during foreplay and/or sex.
→ On average, we check our phones 47- 59 times a day.
→ 85% of people check their phone while speaking to their friends and family.
Smartphones are taking away attention from our spouse and causing a ton of stress and anxiety in the relationship. Since cell phones are here to stay, we wanted to give you our top seven tips for creating healthy boundaries with your phone usage, which will hopefully open up more opportunities for you and your spouse to connect.
Tip 1- Create a really long password to unlock your phone.
We both have done this, and it helps resist the temptation to look at your phone in those moments of boredom.
Tip 2 - Create tech-free zones.
The car is a great, and safe, place to start; but consider making the dinner table, your bedroom, and during date nights a time where there is no need for phones, iPads, or any other devices. We are calendar people, so we schedule NO PHONES with a reminder for every Tuesday and Thursday night from 6pm - 9pm.
Tip 3 - Put your phone in a different room while sleeping.
Don’t be tempted to browse late at night, or you may never go to sleep. Out of sight out of mind, right? Plus studies continue to reveal that browsing your phone before bad is bad for your eyes, sleep patterns, and stress levels.
Tip 4 - Evaluate your intentions.
Every time you pick up your phone, ask yourself, “What are my intentions and how is using my phone right now going to better my life?” It’s a self-check to make sure that you’re not wasting time because you’re bored, or to avoid your spouse.
Tip 5 - Limit your notifications.
All of those dings, pings, and rings are meant to stop your thinking and concentration so you check your phone, so be cautious with how many push notifications you allow. Also, when I work and need 100% focus, I put on DO NOT DISTURB and bam-- I am productive and less stressed. So simple and so effective!
Tip 6- Ask a question from one of our books.
Oftentimes, marriages get in a rut where conversations have stopped and slowly couples feel unsure of how to engage with their spouse, so they turn to their phone instead! A smartphone is always there when you need it and it really is an easy escape. It’s normal to not know how to engage with your spouse, especially if you’ve been emotionally disconnected for some time, which is why we wrote our book 365 Connecting Questions for Couples. These questions will give you a way to engage and connect with your spouse on a deeper level. We’ve done the work for you; now you just have to pick it up and take turns asking the questions.
Tip 7 - Ask your spouse, “Do you feel that I have healthy boundaries with my phone and why?”
I’ll never forget when I asked Casey this question and he responded with, “Well, sometimes I feel like you look at your phone more than you look at me.” And he was right. It was the truth I needed to hear. Be prepared for your spouse’s honest response, because though you may feel like you’re not on your phone often, your spouse may have a different perspective. We can no longer live in our own reality thinking that we’re not distracted by all the rings, dings, and pings, while our spouse is feeling left second to your smartphone. Part of becoming more self-aware is to check in with your spouse and close friends to get their perspective.
Here are some signs that you may be too attached to your phone…
→ You regularly feel a compulsion to check your phone
→ You take your phone with you wherever you go (bathroom, yoga, out to dinner with friends)
→ You can’t enjoy a meal with your spouse or friends without looking at your phone
→ You text or scroll through social media while driving
→ You grab your phone during any pause in your day
→ You sleep next to your phone and even check it in the middle of the night
→ You spend more time on your phone than with the people in your life
→ Your spouse continues to complain about how much you’re on your phone
I challenge you to pick one of these tips and begin to do whatever it takes to spend less time on your phone and more time with your spouse and the people you love. Be consistent and write out the goal you plan on implementing, and put that reminder somewhere you’ll see it often. You’ve got this!
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown and get on The Price is Right.
Source: https://www.marriage365.org/blog/spend-less-time-on-your-phone-with-these-7-tips
Being self-aware is extremely beneficial, and allows you to have a deeper understanding of your emotions, actions, and why you do what you do.
As you become more self-aware, you will learn about your strengths and weaknesses, and in learning those, you can strive to change as needed. Self reflection has been found to enhance focus, decrease stress, and even improve emotional and physical health!
So please, set aside 60 minutes each month to go through the following questions:
What was the best thing that happened last month?
What is one thing I learned last month?
What is making me feel stressed lately?
Is there anything, or anyone, in your life that makes you feel bad about yourself?
What are some things that happened this last month that you’re grateful for, and why?
What are some areas in your life that are thriving, and why?
Did you hang out with anyone who made you feel triggered or insecure, and why?
What is one thing you wished you hadn’t committed to this last month, and why?
What is something you did to improve your emotional health?
What have you done to improve your self-confidence this last month?
Did you give yourself the time and resources needed to accomplish your goals? Why or why not?
Did you overextend yourself with work or in relationships? Why or why not?
Did you reach the goals you set for yourself? Why or why not?
Did you make time for self-care, rest, and fun? Why or why not?
Are you currently taking anything, or anyone, for granted? Why or why not?
What is one area that you need to focus on for this upcoming month?
What are two tangible career goals that you can set for yourself this coming month?
What would make what you're doing today (or right now, even) more enjoyable?
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino and have lunch with Brené Brown.
Source: https://www.marriage365.org/blog/18-questions-for-checking-in-with-yourself
We HATE talking about money.
Budgets, spreadsheets, credit limits, financial goals, retirement funds… we’d rather talk about anything than have to face our money head on. But something terrible happened to us back in 2008, and we were forced to deal with our financial issues. This is our miraculous story about how we were able to pay off over $200,000 of debt we had accrued, all while the economy was failing and we were living on one paycheck.
It all starts with us meeting in college, where we both had taken out A LOT of student loans so that we could have a good education. And since we never took a finance class, or had our parents teach us how to save, spend, or give, we had NO CLUE how to manage our money. So we got married already in debt, all while feeling very entitled to buy what we wanted, putting all purchases on credit cards. We financed everything, leased our cars, made minimum payments on credit cards, and spent more than what we made, because we were told that debt is not only normal, but also helps build your credit score.
By year 5 of our marriage, we had over $200,000 of debt!
One night, I couldn't sleep. I laid awake stressed because I knew rent was coming and we didn’t have the money to pay for it. I woke Casey and up at 2 in the morning and started freaking out. I had told him my concerns and he admitted that he too often would worry about our money but wasn’t sure where to begin. We decided to pay off our debt and come up with a plan, went back to bed and then…. one week later, Casey got laid off. Our daughter was only 6 months old at the time and I was a stay at home mom, so now we had NO money. Talk about stress. Looking back, it might have been the best thing that happened to us because it forced us to face the massive money problem in our marriage; and that problem was neither of us wanted to deal with it.
We had heard of this guy Dave Ramsey, and listened to his book Total Money Makeover on CDs when we were in our car together. We followed his baby steps to get smart financially. He gave us the kick in the butt that we needed. Here’s what we did to pay off $200,000 in 3 years time.
The first thing he suggested was to create an emergency fund of $1000. This was to cover any unexpected expenses that comes up when you are working the plan of paying off debt. We had to dip into that a couple times… flat tires, a root canal, and a random medical bill that we had somehow threw away. We still have an emergency fund and it does not get touched unless there’s a true emergency.
Next, we paid off our all of our DEBT! We had over $200,000 of debt (5 credit cards, a car loan, multiple student loans, and an investment property) that we had accumulated in just a few years, and making the minimum monthly payments was just not cutting it. So Dave suggests that you list out all your debts from smallest to largest, and start paying off the smallest balance, regardless of interest rate.
Paying off those smaller debts was motivating for us to keep making the sacrifices needed to pay off our debt and as we paid off creditors, going to the mailbox became less of a traumatic experience!
Here are some of the ways we got creative with paying off debt:
-We moved in with my mom for 2 years. Low rent and expenses helped us put the majority of our money towards that debt.
-We created a meal plan every week and didn’t go to restaurants. Thank God for mac n cheese!
-We got rid of our leased car and paid cash for a 20 year old car. Casey’s humbling… he’s a car guy!
-We said no to friends who invited us to the movies, out to dinner, and vacations. It was a sacrifice, and a bit lonely to be honest… but well worth it.
-If we didn’t absolutely need it, we didn’t buy it. Yes, it was a season where we felt lonely and even extreme but we knew we were doing the right thing for our marriage and money in the long run. We often reminded each other of the financial goals we both were working towards.
-Casey began officiating weddings to earn additional weekend income, which became some of the breeding grounds of Marriage365.
-I babysat for a few families to bring in some extra income while still wanting to be at home with our daughter.
Once we paid off our student loans, car debt, and credit cards, we had to deal with a very stupid decision that we made in the first year of our marriage - an out-of-state rental property. We were not qualified or financially secure enough to jump into something like this in the first place. We had renters, and they covered the payment, but if anything broke in that house, we were screwed. We made the tough decision to cut our losses and sell the house.
It took us 3 years, 4 months and 18 days to get out of debt - and it was hard work! Talk about a memory that we will never forget. When we got our final notice saying that we’ve paid our last debt and that our balance was zero, we danced all night around the house and screamed… WE'RE DEBT FREE!
The best lesson we learned was not about money, but rather how to work together as a team to achieve something spectacular. We kept ourselves accountable to our goal.
We decided to live like no one else, so later we can live like no one else.
Coming from the most financially illiterate couple, if we can do it, so can you. You may be feeling motivated, excited, nervous, anxious, or all of the above. Now is the best time to address any debt you have and don’t allow a job loss or an economic recession to be the thing that forces you to face your money head-on!
We wanted to get some experts to weigh in on how to work as a team with money and invited our own financial advisors to talk about how a couple can get their financial house in order, and actually become closer in the process.
Watch the Sneak Peek of our interview with our financial advisors here
Watch the sneak peek
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown and get on The Price is Right
Source: https://www.marriage365.org/blog/how-we-paid-off-200k-in-debt
Money and marriage don’t always mix well.
In fact, money is a LEADING stressor among marriages all over the globe! It has all sorts of strings and emotions attached to it, and it means something different to every person. For some, it’s security and freedom, and for others, it’s a trophy of their success. Some people were raised to be generous with their money, and others were raised to hold on to it tightly with both hands and never let go.
No matter how you were raised, I am pretty confident that your spouse was most likely raised with very different “money values” than you were.
When it comes to money and your marriage, it can get really messy, so it's important that you and your spouse remain a united front. Here are a few tips to help you stay on the same team:
1. Have a Weekly Budget Meeting
Marriages can have business meetings, too! In fact, we encourage you to do so! If you are a member at MyMarriage365, you can actually find our Weekly Marriage Business Meeting guide and webcast. Having a weekly budget check-in ensures that you and your spouse tell your money where it is going, instead of your money telling you. This is a great time to make sure that all of your bills are on track to be paid on time, that you are putting enough in savings for your future, and that you are working toward paying off debt you may have.
2. Have Personal Spending Money
In my marriage, we call this an individual “entertainment budget,’ while Casey and Meygan call it their “blow fund”. The goal here is that each of you gets a set amount of money per paycheck to spend freely. That way if you feel that you HAVE to have that new video game or you can’t live without a drink from Starbucks (because your kids refused to sleep last night), you already have it budgeted and you won’t get into a fight with your spouse about breaking the bank. You can even save up your entertainment money for something big. It’s kind of like having your own “allowance” if you will, and it has done WONDERS for my marriage. The one rule you MUST follow is that you cannot judge or make comments about the way they spend their blow fund.
3. Use the Phrase “OUR” Money
The quickest way to let money come in between you and your spouse is to start using phrases like “It’s my money and I can do whatever I want with it”. When you got married, you pledged your lifetime and everything that comes with that to your spouse, good or bad. That means all of the frustration that comes with your credit card debt or school loans, and all of the joy that comes with being responsible with your savings account, 401k, or retirement plan. When you use phrases like “my money,” you are telling your spouse that there’s something in your marriage that comes before them, and that’s painful and dangerous. You’re in marriage together; highs and lows of money and all. You’re a team, so don’t forget that.
4. Keep Open Communication
If you are feeling like you and your spouse are not handling your joint finances well, communicate about it! Keeping it to yourself causes bitterness and resentment to grow in your heart against your spouse, so make sure you’re having regular conversations about your budget so that you are both on the same page!
Here are some connecting questions to get you started:
•Do you consider yourself a saver, a spender or a little of both?
•What does being financially comfortable look like to you?
•What one thing do you really want to purchase but can’t afford?
If you want to make sure your money doesn't ruin your marriage, be sure to watch this sneak peek of our webcast all about MONEY!!!!
Learn moreWritten by Anna Collins
Anna Collins lives in sunny Southern California with her husband and two children. She is passionate about her marriage, staying at home with her kids, writing, coffee, good conversation, and game night. Her life dream is to someday write a book and see it published.
Written by Anna Collins
Source: https://www.marriage365.org/blog/4-ways-to-put-your-marriage-before-your-money
