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In the rapidly evolving world of robotics, one of the most
remarkable innovations is the development of quadruped robots. These robots,
designed to walk on four legs, are inspired by the movement of animals and are
capable of navigating complex and uneven terrains with agility and precision.
Their design has opened up new possibilities for robots to perform tasks in
environments that are challenging for traditional wheeled robots or drones.
This article explores the evolution, functionality, applications, and future
potential of quadruped robots.
The global quadruped
robot market has seen significant growth in recent years, driven by
advancements in robotics, artificial intelligence (AI), and machine learning
technologies. These robots, often designed with four legs for mobility, are
being increasingly deployed across various industries including defense,
healthcare, logistics, and research. The unique design of quadruped robots
allows them to navigate rough terrains, providing enhanced stability and
versatility compared to traditional wheeled robots. Their ability to perform
complex tasks such as surveillance, search and rescue operations, and
autonomous delivery has contributed to their rising adoption across multiple
sectors.
What Are Quadruped Robots?
A quadruped robot is a type of legged robot that moves using
four legs. Unlike wheeled robots, which depend on wheels for locomotion,
quadruped robots rely on a combination of actuators, sensors, and advanced
algorithms to mimic the natural movement of four-legged animals. This design
allows quadruped robots to achieve greater stability, mobility, and dexterity,
enabling them to traverse rough terrain, climb stairs, and avoid obstacles.
These robots are equipped with multiple sensors, including
cameras, LiDAR, gyroscopes, and force sensors, which provide them with a
detailed understanding of their environment. Artificial intelligence (AI)
processes the data from these sensors to adjust the robot's gait and movement
in real-time, ensuring that the robot maintains balance and adapts to changing
conditions.
The Evolution of Quadruped Robots
The concept of quadruped robots has been around for several
decades, but significant progress has only been made in recent years. Early
quadruped robots, such as the BigDog developed by Boston Dynamics, were
designed primarily for military applications. BigDog, funded by the U.S.
military's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), was built to
carry heavy loads across rugged terrain, a task that was too challenging for
wheeled vehicles.
Since then, quadruped robots have evolved from bulky,
cumbersome machines into agile, lightweight robots capable of performing a wide
range of tasks. Spot, a more advanced version of BigDog, was introduced
by Boston Dynamics in 2015. Spot is smaller, faster, and more versatile,
capable of performing complex maneuvers and navigating obstacles with ease.
Other companies, such as ANYbotics and Ghost Robotics, have also developed
their own quadruped robots, contributing to the growing popularity of this
technology.
Key Features of Quadruped Robots
Several features distinguish quadruped robots from other
types of robots, making them highly effective in a variety of applications:
Legged Locomotion: Quadruped robots use four legs to
move, which allows them to maintain balance and stability on uneven or rough
terrain. The legs are typically designed to resemble the biomechanics of animal
limbs, with joints like hips, knees, and ankles to provide fluid movement.
Agility and Versatility: Unlike wheeled robots,
quadruped robots can climb stairs, jump, and navigate through difficult
environments. Their ability to change direction quickly and adjust their gait
based on the terrain makes them ideal for tasks that require adaptability.
Advanced Sensors and Perception: Quadruped robots are
equipped with a variety of sensors, including cameras, LiDAR, IMUs (Inertial
Measurement Units), and force sensors. These sensors enable the robot to
perceive its surroundings, detect obstacles, and maintain its balance during
movement.
Artificial Intelligence: AI plays a crucial role in
controlling the robot’s movements. Machine learning algorithms help quadruped
robots learn from their environment and adapt to new situations. For example,
the robot can improve its walking gait over time or learn how to overcome
unexpected obstacles.
Energy Efficiency: Energy efficiency is an important
consideration for quadruped robots. They use a combination of electric motors
or hydraulic actuators to move their legs, and engineers work to optimize these
systems to ensure the robots can perform tasks for extended periods without
running out of power.
Applications of Quadruped Robots
Quadruped robots are being used in a variety of fields,
demonstrating their versatility and potential. Some of the most notable
applications include:
Search and Rescue: Quadruped robots are highly
effective in search and rescue operations, especially in disaster-stricken
areas such as collapsed buildings, earthquake zones, or wildfires. Their
ability to navigate challenging terrain and carry sensors to detect heat
signatures or toxic gases makes them invaluable for locating survivors and
assessing hazardous environments.
Military and Defense: The military has long been
interested in quadruped robots, primarily for logistics and reconnaissance
missions. Robots like BigDog and Spot have been tested for transporting
supplies across difficult terrain, providing soldiers with a valuable tool to
carry out operations in remote or hazardous environments.
Industrial Inspection and Maintenance: Quadruped
robots are used in industries such as oil and gas, mining, and power generation
to perform inspections in dangerous or hard-to-reach areas. They can be
equipped with cameras and sensors to monitor equipment, detect leaks, and
ensure that systems are functioning properly.
Agriculture: In agriculture, quadruped robots are
being tested for tasks such as crop monitoring, soil analysis, and even
planting. Their ability to traverse fields and navigate around obstacles allows
them to perform these tasks more efficiently than traditional machinery.
Entertainment and Research: Quadruped robots are also
being used for promotional purposes, art installations, and research. For
example, robots like Spot have been used in videos, events, and live performances,
showcasing their mobility and capabilities. In research, quadruped robots are
used to study animal biomechanics and human-robot interaction.
Challenges and Future Directions
Despite their potential, quadruped robots face several
challenges:
Cost: The complexity of quadruped robots, coupled
with the advanced sensors and actuators required for their operation, makes
them expensive to produce. Reducing the cost of manufacturing these robots is
crucial for their widespread adoption.
Energy Consumption: Quadruped robots consume a
significant amount of energy, especially during tasks that require rapid
movement or long-duration missions. Finding more efficient power sources, such
as advanced batteries or energy harvesting systems, is essential for improving their
performance.
Environmental Adaptability: Quadruped robots are
highly adaptable, but extreme environmental conditions, such as extreme heat,
cold, or heavy rain, can impact their performance. Continued research into
weather-resistant materials and designs will be necessary to ensure the robots
can operate in a variety of climates.
Human-Robot Interaction: As quadruped robots become
more integrated into human-centric environments, ensuring safe and effective
interaction with people is important. Researchers are focusing on improving the
ability of robots to understand human commands and respond appropriately in
social contexts.
It is time for the periodic ritual where we treat the search strings people typed in like actual questions. All snap judgments, no context, let’s do it!
1) “Friend always forgets credit card.”
Forgetting a payment method once in a great while is a regrettable error. Forgetting it “always” (and not following up immediately to pay some other way or following through on treating next time) indicates a game of Awkward Chicken is afoot, where they are basically daring you to speak up and calculating that you’ll find it less awkward to pay.
Take the dare!
Stop making plans that cost money with this person until you’ve addressed the problem, and ask for separate checks up front whenever possible to minimize room for shenanigans. When you do address it, instead of hinting around or accusing them of forgetting on purpose (and getting blasted with shame and defensiveness), be blunt and direct about what you want to happen now/next. “Your half is $X, can you Venmo me right now?” “You still owe me $Y from last time, so I’d rather not do anything that costs money until we’re square. Can you pay me back today or should we plan something free?”
2) “Brand new boyfriend asked to borrow money.”
Nope!
I’m in no position to judge people for the fact of struggling financially, but in my experience, asking a brand new partner to lend money beyond “Can you snag us advance movie tickets and I’ll grab the dinner?” is among the most crimson of flags. It ranks only slightly behind a) “suddenly” losing their housing situation and needing to move in right after the first “I love yous” are exchanged (#hobosexuality), b) having a ton of bullshit reasons about why they “can’t” or “don’t have to” wear condoms, and c) any sentences that include the words “If you really loved me, you would_____.,” “It’s okay, my wife is cool with it,” or “You’re not like other girls.”
Consider the possibilities, none of them great:
- They are disingenuous or unrealistic about their financial situation. And if the loan is for an investment “opportunity” or to bail out a flailing “business”? RUN AWAY.
- Even if everything is mostly on the up-and-up, lending money adds stress and tension to a brand new relationship. What is the plan and timeline for paying you back? Are you going to have to chase them down for the money or play Awkward Chicken? They are, at minimum, willing to put the relationship at risk over money, which does not point to them having great boundaries.
- Consider that they have no one else to ask because everyone they already know is tapped out or reasonably skeptical of their ability to pay it back. Just because someone doesn’t have a [therapist][single friend or family member in the world][rescuer/meal ticket] doesn’t make you the default substitute!
- It’s a test of whether you have porous boundaries and are prone to manipulation.
Fortunately there is a magic word that will both protect you and reveal bad intentions instantly: Say no and see what happens. Does the person try to manipulate you further? Or blame you for their issues? “I can’t believe you’d make such a big deal over something like money.” Saying that you’re not comfortable lending money to someone you basically just met is not mean or unfair. What would this person do if they didn’t have you to lean on? Sounds like they should make that Plan A!
I don’t know how far apart these next searches took place but I’m sensing a theme here.
3) “How can I get an old friend to stop calling me after 24 years?”
You can’t get people to stop doing anything. You can either ask them outright to stop calling and see what they do, or you can adjust how–and whether–you answer. After 24 years, hearing some version of “I appreciate all the effort you make to stay in touch, and I wish you well, but I think this friendship has run its course for me and I’d rather not stay in touch by phone anymore” will doubtless hurt. Will it hurt less than being ghosted, or whatever has you dodging this person’s calls?
4) “Old friend appeared out of nowhere and is overeager,”
4) Mismatches in friendly enthusiasm and reciprocity are inherently awkward, even if everyone is basically nice and has the best of intentions. Whenever someone clearly wants more from you than you want to give, my go-to advice is to figure out what level of interaction –if any!–would make you most happy and comfortable, and default to that.instead of trying to strategize around the feelings and expectations of a person you’re already not terribly invested in.
If you’d rather not resume the friendship at all, then it’s probably better to just end it swiftly (see above). If you’re open to seeing if a sometimes-friendship is possible, honor your own preferences about frequency and intensity of communication and see what happens. For example, they want to hang out in person every week, and you’d be happy to catch up once every three months? Then invite* them to hang out roughly every three months and politely decline everything in the interim. They want to text or talk on the phone all the time? “Sorry, I’m not much of a texter, please don’t be offended if I don’t reply right away. But maybe we can get together for lunch next month and catch up. How’s [date] or [date] for you?” If the periodic interactions are fun and planning them is easy, you might end up building a new friendship on the ashes of the old. Or, they might not want a “sometimes” friend, in which case, they are free to back away at any time.
*Note: If you take the initiative to invite them, then you potentially forestall a situation where they feel like they need to chase you. If you can’t see yourself inviting them to do stuff ever, remember: You’re not required to be friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you.
5) “Should I ask an old friend who doesn’t contact me out for a drink on her birthday?”
“Should” is a strong word, depending on the history, but you certainly can! If you’ve fallen out of touch, I’d assume your friend probably has other plans on her birthday, but it’s as good an excuse as any to reach out. “Hey, saw your birthday was coming up and realized I hadn’t seen your face in forever. Can I take you out for a drink sometime next week? Maybe on [date] or [date]*? Let me know, I’d love to catch up. Happy birthday in any case!”
She’ll either say yes or no, and then you’ll have your answer about whether “doesn’t” means “prefers not to.”
*Note: I’m putting language about nailing down a specific day for plans in these sample scripts on purpose. “Would you like to have a drink sometime?” is not making a plan, it’s assigning the other person homework to come up with a plan. It also allows people to say “yes” in theory and never actually make the plan, leaving you wondering if you’d be bothering them if you follow up with a plan. If you’re anxious about the situation at all, ambiguity just creates more anxiety. If you want to hang out with a given person, invite them to something concrete that they can say yes or no to.
6) “Boyfriend’s family won’t respect me until he proposes.”
Bad news: People who create arbitrary milestones after which they *might* theoretically respect you are pretending that you can audition for or earn their respect, like, “Clean the house, Cinderella, and then maybe you can go to the ball!” They want you to think that their disrespect is your fault and that you just need to wait longer or work harder to earn their respect. But there will always be another milestone or more work you’re supposed to do.
People either treat you with respect or they don’t. If these people don’t, and most likely never will, how bad do you still want to marry this guy?
7) “Mom has helped me financially now wants bank password.”
There’s a fine line between “help” and “control.”
Financial gifts and temporary loans with generous and unambiguous repayment terms are helpful.
Setting some boundaries and conditions around financial help for an adult child isn’t unreasonable. “You can live at home for free as long as you’re in school or studying toward a trade.” “This is the third time you’ve needed ’emergency’ money in as many months. I’m not sending more until we can sit down together and work out a budget so that this won’t keep happening.” (Providing financially for a minor child isn’t “help,” it’s non-optional support, so I’m assuming everyone in this question is an adult.)
But unless there are *incredibly* mitigating circumstances (like, you are incapacitated in some way), allowing a parent 24-7 access to both your money and your transaction history risks crossing the line into control. If your mom wants to be repaid for her help, work out a schedule and stick to it, but hold onto your passwords. And if control is the price of your mom’s help, think carefully about whether the cost is worth it. Sometimes the cheapest way to pay is with money.
8) “Parents freak out over not knowing my friends. I’m 24!”
I wonder, are your friends local or do they live inside the internet? Some of my best friends live there, it’s not weird like it was back in the 1990s when I just told my folks that everybody I knew from the internet was “a friend from college” or “former coworker” so they wouldn’t obsess about me ending up on Dateline.
If at least some of your friends are local and up for a challenge, I propose the following solution: Throw a little dinner party where you invite one or two of your of most outgoing friends and your parents. Cook something simple. Keep the music low enough to talk over without yelling and skip the recreational intoxicants. If your parents attempt to grill your friends about their education, hobbies, love lives, and career prospects, see if you and your friends can band together and take turns asking them the same questions. “What do you do? How’d you get into that field? Do you like it?” “When you were our age, what did you do for fun?” “What was dating like in the Olden Times?” “Have YOU read any good books lately?” Maybe play a wholesome party game like Time’s Up or Apples to Apples. Neutral-boring is better than bad-interesting, so when in doubt, be boring.
This won’t magically undo the worry about loss of control, passage of time, sense of competition for your time and attention, or whatever underlying fear that’s causing your parents to “freak out.” But this has the advantage of addressing the thing they say they are worried about head-on: “You didn’t know my friends, but now you do! We just spent two pleasant hours being adults together!” Removing the mystery might inspire your parents to seek something new to complain about.
If your friends live mostly online, or you can’t yeet your friendly neighborhood Commander Logic at them the way every single person in our friend group does (she is truly THE BEST at Parents), you might get mileage out of asking your parents to be more specific about their worry and see if explaining it aloud either makes it progressively less worrying over time or gives you a more specific way to address it. “So you’re worried about me driving at night? Would it make you feel better if I texted you when I got there?” If they keep adding worry on top of worry the more you try to meet them halfway, at least you can be sure it’s not something you’re doing and stop giving them more ammunition. Ultimately, it’s pretty normal to have a social life that’s separate from your parents, so don’t let their worry stop you from enjoying your life.
9) “Every time I try to rest or sleep my mum calls me why is this.”
THEY SEE YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING
THEY KNOW WHEN YOU’RE AWAKE
No, wait, that’s Santa. I don’t know why your mom does this, but I do know that most phones nowadays have many “do not disturb” settings that will silence notifications or filter them from specific numbers. USE THEM. And if she still somehow gets through, don’t answer until you’re ready to be up and interactive.
If these are calls coming from inside the house, I don’t have much helpful advice. Having encountered several people who assume that “my rest time” = “their time that could be put to more productive use,” I tend to get as far away as I can and stay there for as long as I can. Hard when it’s your mum and you live in the same house, but hopefully not impossible forever.
10) “babby MUST calm DOWN”
Most of what I know about how is babby comes from memes, but I will try:
First, why babby is excite? Hold babby? Feed babby? Change babby diaper?
If not hungry-lonely-wet, maybe put babby in car seat. Then drive. Babby sleep?
That’s all she wrote, for now. Wishing you all the best of the rest of this winter holiday season, and thanks for reading!
Are you nervous about the holidays this year? These therapist-approved tips can help.
The post Navigating the Holidays With Your In-Laws appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Dear Captain,
My partner (40s, he/him) and I (30s she/her) are both artists. I come from a rich family and he comes from a poor family. Unfortunately where we come from, the starving artist cliché is completely true. Even though my partner is very talented and has done well for himself, his financial life strategy consists of sometimes amassing money (from sales of work or from grants) and then living frugally and slowly whittling it down until it completely runs out.
This can be very, very stressful. I feel guilty about even putting this into words because I live off my inheritance, and gave up having a different, non-creative, but more lucrative, career, because I knew I could afford it. We live in an apartment I own outright. He pays bills and I pay the admin fees (I pay about twice what he pays). I sometimes find myself becoming overwhelmed with resentment at him because I feel like he can’t support any long-term financial plans I have for myself or for our life together, and I know that in any emergency I’m going to have to foot the bill.
During our six years together he’s had to live with multiple roommates to afford rent, he’s been unable to afford health insurance or therapy at times, and everything is mediated by the looming threat of his money running out. He also has several aging relatives with declining health that don’t have a pension. He insists that he’s always worked it out, he’s never gone into debt and ultimately none of this should affect me. It is true that he’s never asked me for money, and he’s contributed to our household in many other ways. He’s wonderful and loving, and he’s my best friend in the world.
I could probably afford to support him financially for the rest of both of our lives, but I’m not sure I want to. We’ve already broken up over this once, and are in a shaky place at the moment. I’m not sure how to handle the situation, and he feels very insecure and defensive whenever I try to bring up the stress I feel about the money situation. I feel like we’re at a stage of the relationship where I wish I could see myself getting married and building a whole life with this person, but this keeps holding me back. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Rich and Guilty
Dear Rich & Guilty:
Being filled with resentment to the point of breaking up over such a fundamental difference does not bode well for happily-ever-after. Nor does getting married in the hopes that the other person will change. If “I could theoretically fund a comfortable life where my favorite person on earth and I could just make out and make art and never worry about bills” doesn’t feel like an extremely good problem, that’s probably a good reminder that love and long-term compatibility don’t necessarily flock together, forever.
But let’s see if something can be done to either make this relationship more viable for the long-term or give you more clarity about ending it. And let’s talk about marriage, specifically since that’s where your hopes are heading and where your divergent approaches to money will have the most impact if nothing changes.
Marriage carries a legal and financial framework as well as an emotional one that assumes that resources are shared, important decisions are joint decisions, and everyone is in it for the long haul. Your partner’s assertion that how he approaches money “doesn’t really affect you” will be technically null the second you start filing your taxes together or buy something bigger than a sofa, but it’s already affecting you and how you see the relationship. At least some of your trepidation comes from accumulated evidence that you are trying to plan a future around someone who doesn’t plan long-term.
Your partner has made it to his 40s as a full-time working artist without taking on debt, which tells me that he is capable of being *incredibly* thrifty, resilient, and persistent. But his resilience has come at the expense of a lot of other things like a comfortable living situation and reliable health care. And when he gets more money, nothing fundamentally changes about his hand-to-mouth existence. If not for you, he’d still be living with roommates and just getting by, right? I sense that what you want to change is not so much his bank account or his earning power, but his mindset. If he can’t imagine a future for himself beyond the next commission, then how can he build one with you? And as much as you don’t want to sign up to pay for everything for the rest of time, it sounds like you *really* don’t want to end up as the Money Mommy who does all the work of figuring out money and making decisions while also tiptoeing around his insecurities.
There are undoubtedly some very good reasons for said insecurities and overall reluctance/inability to plan ahead, given his family background and intermittent income. I’d bet that the defensiveness that comes out in your discussions about money is laced with equal parts trauma, shame, and dread. About that:
A) Changing the mindset and habits formed over a lifetime of scarcity is hard, even if you have the resources to do it and want to do it. Does he want to do it? And does he truly have the resources to do it?
Interestingly, the family expectation that anybody who makes it above the poverty line will take care of the relatives who don’t is the same one that left you a life-changing lump sum: Alive or dead, richer or poorer, and in sickness and health, family takes care of each other. Marrying “well” used to be THE avenue for taking care of one’s family judging by every Jane Austen novel ever written, second only to being descended from someone rich. It sounds like he’s made it a point of honor to never ask you for money or try to depend on you. You would never threaten him with homelessness, but there is still a power differential here that would become very apparent if you were to break up. (I’m not saying you should marry him or not marry him, I’m just saying that precarity does not facilitate long-term planning and that you are not on equal footing at present.)
You see your partner’s failure to plan around his aging relatives’ failure to save for the future as a form of self-harm: How can they NOT plan around this giant thing that’s only gonna get worse with time? It’s not optimal, but it’s functionally a form of self-preservation. Worrying intensely about a thing and being able to do something about that thing are two different things, and there is a ratio of available resources to worry below which worry is not just not-motivating, it’s actively paralyzing. Existing in survival mode sometimes means shutting off the worry about stuff you don’t have the resources to do anything about so you can keep going. You can’t conjure more money out of thin air or travel back in time to take advantage of compound interest, but you can sometimes control how much you allow fear of future poverty to eclipse your present poverty. Not optimal! But very real, nonetheless.
If you can’t fathom the mindset of how pointless it feels to try to save for the future when you’re barely getting by in the present, I can recommend some reading. I can also recommend your partner some reading, not that he asked. But before you form a premarital book club, just know that when you’re used to being broke, aspirational money advice by rich people about how to get richer tends to land somewhere between “when the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons make WAH WHAH WHA WHA noises” and outright grift. Even theoretically accurate advice for optimizing whether it would be better to pay down debt or invest for the future only works if the money….like…exists? My advice about the issue of relatives is to stop adding worry to the ratio and save any discussions about potentially adding resources for after you are legally wed (perhaps) and after he asks you, directly, at which point it can become one more boring line item in the household budget. Until then? His relatives, his money, his problem. Speaking of boring….
B) His shame is as useless as your guilt for figuring this out.
There are lots of workable ways for married people to combine and manage money. Some people make an arrangement where one partner provides all or most of the money and the other contributes in other ways, which sounds like a realistic option for you. Some people pool everything but put parameters in place, like agreeing to check with the other person before making purchases over a certain amount, or having a set monthly “mad money” allowance they can spend as they wish. Some budget jointly for all of their routine expenses, debt management, and short and long-term savings goals and split it down the middle or divide it proportionately based on income and keep the remainder for themselves, as you have so far with housing costs. What goes in the joint accounts is “our” money, and they keep distinct “mine” and “yours” funds.
There’s no one right configuration, but the most functional, stable, and least stressful configurations all have some stuff in common:
- Transparency
- Routine (a structure for regularly talking about money)
- Trust. which includes not surveilling or monitoring the other person for how they use money within agreed-upon parameters
- Power-sharing/autonomy over dependency and control
- Communication
People don’t write to me about their incredibly stable and happy relationships, so my best reference points are the messy, unstable ones, where the person who earns more money thinks they get more say in everything about the relationship, uses money as a lever for control, or just abdicates responsibility to the other person (but wants authority), infused throughout with capitalist assumptions about productivity and worth and patriarchal ones about who is supposed to provide and what it’s worth. The worst mismatches I’ve ever seen are when two people have completely different assumptions, usually gendered, about how money is supposed to work in relationships in general and never talk about how they want it to actually work in their relationship, specifically, until after they get married and have kids.
I think you’re both trying very hard to avoid falling into those traps, but resentment doesn’t care who its daddy was once it’s born. If you marry this guy without fully interrogating the sources of your resentment, unpacking his shame, and finding a way to share resources freely or not at all, resentment and shame will grow into contempt, and you’ll both wish you’d just ended it here and now.You’re going to have to talk about money, extensively and regularly, and for best results, you’re going to need to make it as relaxed and boring as humanly possible.You have an advantage toward boringness that I don’t, in that there is more than enough money to go around, at least in theory. Which means you could probably afford a couple’s counselor who specializes in helping people figure out money or financial literacy classes for artists.With outside help or not, here are some questions to get you going:
What configuration of your/his/our money lets you be the most boring about it? What would go into your theoretical prenup to protect you if things didn’t work out or in case of emergencies? What would protect him?
In a perfect world, where things work out exactly as you want, what would a joint long-term budget and financial plan look like, with actual numbers or at least a ballpark? If you got married, how does he envision your shared finances working? What does he suggest to equalize the work of dealing with money and making decisions about money between you so that you don’t end up as Money Mommy?
What do you want the future to look like, in 5 years, 10 years, 20? How can money be a tool for building that future? Do either or both of you have plans to make your art into a business? Does he want to marry you? Has he even thought that far ahead or has he been in survival mode this whole time?
For best results, his answers can’t be “I assumed you’d just pay for everything, Moneybags” or “why do we have to talk about it now? We’ll just figure it out when the time comes!” and yours can’t be “But if you would just change your entire personality and relationship to money.”
Above all, pay attention to how you feel during and after these conversations. Does it feel like collaboration or does it feel like pulling teeth? Given the fraught history, it might take a few tries to get past the defensiveness and reassure him that you are curious and not judgmental. But once you finally get rolling, is he excited to dream up a future with you? Does he participate in problem-solving or keep abdicating to you to fix it? If he’s defensive, does he turn it on himself or does he make little digs at you? Don’t marry someone who is mean to you, even as a joke or when they are stressed, is my blanket advice.
*
Learn the skills to be successful in a second or third marriage and not repeat past mistakes and patterns.
The post How Second (Or Third) Marriages Can Thrive appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
