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It is time for the recurring feature where I treat search terms that led people to the site as actual questions. No context, no backstory, all snap judgments.

First, a song:

All right, let’s do this.

1. What to tell your girlfriend when she ask you “the kind of relationship you want?”

What’s the worst thing that happens if you take this as an opportunity to dream about what kind of relationship you want and then tell the truth about those dreams?

What do you want? From your life? From this relationship?

In the best possible world, where you get everything you want, what does it look like?

If you ask her the same question, what does she have to say?

2. ” Intelligent way to answer what u looking for in dating site so that you fuck her?”

Uh, there is no sentence string known to humankind that guarantees someone will want to have sex with you, but you’ll probably have the best luck if you keep it simple: “I’m looking for fun, friendly casual sex partners.”

3. “How to ask a friend if i can use her summer home without her in it.”

A BOLD MOVE! Maybe try “Do you ever rent the place out? I’m looking for a getaway spot for [A family gathering][A romantic weekend away][Some alone-time to recharge] around [dates]. My budget is roughly $_____.”

If you sense any hesitation from this friend, back off and find somewhere else to stay.

If the friend says yes, you will obviously leave the place in immaculate condition.

4. “What does it mean when your boyfriend introduces you as a friend.”

My first instinct is, he’s introducing you to people who don’t know him well or don’t know he’s in a romantic relationship. There can be lots of reasons for that, ranging from “He’s not out yet, or out to these people” to “Surprise! He’s married with an entire family” so a good follow-up question when you’re alone is, “Is there a reason you introduced me to so-and-so as your friend and not your partner?” How he answers this will give you lots of information.

Speaking of…

5. “My divorced boyfriend want to keep me a secret.”

Got you something.

Questions that immediately pop to mind:

Are you sure he is actually divorced? (In your shoes, I would literally check court records.)

Are you sure that he’s actually your boyfriend? Is this an “I’d like to keep my options open” kinda deal?

Is there some obvious reason, as in, is he your boss or coworker just trying to keep things profesh at the office? Are you dating someone who isn’t out about their sexuality or identity?

He may have his reasons, but you don’t have to help him prop up a lie. “Let’s break up. Come find me whenever you work things out so this doesn’t have to be a secret.”

6. “My husband lets his family walk all over him.”

You cannot fix your husband’s family, and you cannot fix your husband, so let’s talk about what you can actually do about it:

1) You can encourage your husband to seek therapy and tools for learning to set boundaries and unlearning some things about the way he was raised.

2) You can become the Emperor of Boundaries where your own well-being (and the well-being of any children you have) is concerned. He might not be able to say no to his family, but you can say no to them and to him about things that adversely affect your life. “No, your parents /your deadbeat sibling cannot live with us.” “No, they cannot ruin every single vacation and holiday celebration.” “No, your mom cannot be in the delivery room when I give birth.” “No, I’m not eating at their house anymore since every time I do they put mushrooms in the food.” “No, they can’t verbally abuse me or our kids and expect us to put up with it.” “No vaccines, no masks? Then no visiting the baby, period.”

See also: “I realize that your family can be very overbearing, but the way you’re pressuring me to go along with my own mistreatment right now is a you-and-me problem and I need you to stop.” “Difficult Family Member is going to get upset no matter what you do. If you keep [ditching our plans][giving them money we can’t afford][giving into their demands][Not standing up for yourself/me/our kids] every time they demand it, kindly remember that I am also your family and I will also be upset with you.”

The saying no isn’t about getting him to change or getting them to change. It’s about protecting your peace by refusing to get caught up in their antics. For better or worse, your husband is in charge of how he handles his relationship with his family, but you have all the say in how he handles his relationship with you.

This question is incredibly, incredibly common here and in other advice forums around the internet, and it is a brutal dynamic to live with, to the point where “Hrmmm, I love this person a lot but they can’t seem to say no to anybody but me” is probably something to screen for *early* in the relationship.

7. “How to quit on being a godparent.” and 8. “How to quit bridesmaid.”

Ideally, before agreeing to be a godparent to a child or stand up in someone’s wedding (or accept a freelance assignment, or agree to some complicated favor), try this:

“I’m so honored, thank you! But, before I commit, can you tell me what that entails?”

ASSUME NOTHING. Ask the person to spell out what they envision your role to be. “Come to the baptism, say some words, give good presents on gifting occasions, be a trusted adult who also loves my kid” is different from “Be at every single event my child ever does and promise to raise them if something happens to me.” “Wear a nice dress on the day and be my friend during wedding planning” (s/o to Commander Logic) and “Plan, pay for, and attend nine separate events on three continents where you will both set up and tear down the decorations and also change your body so you ‘match’ the other attendants” are not even in the same universe.

Based on their reply, if you have a strong, immediate “Yes, I’d love to!” or “Oh, that all sounds amazing, but I know I don’t have the funds/bandwidth/time/resources/planning ability to do it right, so can I RSVP now as an enthusiastic guest?”

If you’re on the fence at all (and/or if you’re a recovering over-scheduler), try: “Thanks for spelling it out, that all sounds exciting! When do you need an answer? I need some alone time with my calendar and bank account before I commit.” Then take a day or so and actually do the math. If the answer is no, try “I am so happy for you and excited to celebrate with you, but I can’t commit to the ______ role. I wanted to let you know ASAP so you can make another plan.” The person might get upset or try to negotiate, and that’s understandable. Ride it out. You know your own limits.

Unfortunately for these querents, it’s too late. I’m going to pull from past advice about breakups, quitting jobs, and moving away, and suggest that you think of it not as a negotiation, request, or exploration of reasons and past events. Rather, you are communicating a decision you have already made so the other person can make a new plan for the future. Give as much lead time as you can, and then be clear, direct, and firm.

Scriptwise: “Friendname, I am so happy for you and so honored that you asked me to be a [role], but I’ve realized I cannot follow through with what you need. I’m so sorry to upset all of your plans at this stage, but I’m going to withdraw as [role] now, before I get even more over my head, and while there is still time for you to make a Plan B.”

I’m assuming here that there is no glaring conflict where “Uh, you know why” would suffice. (I think there is an inbox question where “The groom hit on me, repeatedly. Fuck no I’m not being in your wedding anymore, are you even serious right now?” would be entirely appropriate.)

Brace yourself for some “But why?” and gnashing of feelings. If the person is reasonable, and you think there is a “why” they will accept? Tell them. “I just really and truly cannot afford either the money or the time commitment.” “I’m pregnant and your wedding is the baby’s due date.” “I can tell that ‘godparent’ means something totally different to you than it does to me, and I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you to clarify it from the start.” “I got into graduate school. In France. So I’m not going to be around to actually help you with any of this.”

Sometimes there is no “why” they will accept, and that’s when “I’m truly sorry, but I know this is the right decision for me” is all you can do. “I know you are disappointed, and again, I’m truly sorry, but my answer isn’t going to change.”

It sucks to feel like you’re letting a loved one down when they you to be a part of a very important occasion, but I promise, it sucks WAY LESS to say no up front than it does to agree because you’re afraid of disappointing them and have to drop out later.

9. Many, many variations on “how do I have sex as a fat person/with a fat person” that range from the earnest to pornographic

Start with Hanne Blank’s book, Big, Big Love.

If images and sexy videos are your thing, seek out media made by and starring fat performers. It’s out there, and you clearly have working search engine, so godspeed!

10. “Can I block clingy ex even though I promised to be friends.”

Yes. It’s not mandatory to stay friends with former partners. Even if they want it. Even if you promised. You get to change your mind!

If you want, right before you block, send one message along the lines of “I know I promised we’d stay friends, but I’ve realized that I need a clean break and I would like you to stop contacting me. I wish you well.”

Then comes the hard part. Do not reply to any further communications from them. If they ping you 37 times and you answer the 38th ping, you’ve shown them that it takes 38 pings to get your attention, so next time they’ll play it safe and go for 39. Every time you interact with them after you asked them to stop, you’re prolonging the detachment process. Once you block, let yourself be done! You don’t need to explain why, you don’t need to “work on” a relationship that you’ve ended or help someone get over you. If your ex deputizes mutual friends or people in your life to guilt you into resuming contact (a common tactic to get around blocks), tell those people “Ex and I aren’t in touch anymore, at my request, so I need you to stop passing messages and info back and forth.”

11. Captain Awkward Firthing

Originally mentioned in A Shy Guy Caught My Eye. Refers to the practice of staring balefully at someone you have a crush on instead of actually talking to them, and letting the feelings build up until they erupt out of you in a terrifying volcano of thwarted desire a là Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the 1995 Pride & Prejudice adaptation.

Mr. Firth has since gone on record that he’d prefer we call this “Darcying.”

As you were.

If you've generally longed for having that ideal silvery grin, you should have at one time considered dental facade. They are meager, tooth-hued shells which are stuck to the front surface of teeth, intended to help stow away or right dental harm. This may incorporates stains and discolouration, chips and breaks, huge fillings, swarming and separating issues between teeth. Best dentist in mogappair

Dental facade are fast and a negligibly intrusive technique. Every one is altered to the prerequisites of the patient including the shape, shade and necessary number. Treatment can ordinarily be finished inside two arrangements.

Be that as it may, for some patients, the expense of getting dental facade in Chennai impairs them; regularly, facade can cost up somewhere in the range of $300 for composite tar facade and around $1100 for porcelain facade per tooth, contingent upon the level of treatment required.

While this could appear to be expensive, the strategy requires extremely top notch materials, a tailor made approach and an eye for style and detail from an accomplished dental specialist. Moreover, with legitimate consideration and support, porcelain facade can endure as long as 20 years. Many ground breaking patients who have had facade set with us have said that getting facade was perhaps of the best venture they have made in themselves.

In this article, we will make sense of what goes behind that sticker price of getting dental facade, from the strategy to materials utilized.

What is the method involved with getting porcelain facade like?

Stage 1: Consultation arrangement

Facade Consultation

Before you accept your facade, your dental specialist will plan a conference arrangement to examine the choices that suit you best. You will have a conversation with respect to worries and prerequisites, and your reasonableness for facade. The dental specialist will see factors including the shade, shape and type material that ought to be utilized, as well as the quantity of facade that you ought to have fitted.

At this stage, your dental specialist will carry out a full dental assessment and take x-beams to survey your dental wellbeing, and post for indications of tooth rot and gum sickness which will require getting earlier situation of facade. Photographs may likewise be taken which will help in planning the shape and size of your facade.

After an inside and out conversation with your dental specialist, a treatment plan will be proposed with full breakdown of costs which you can remove and contemplate.

Stage 2: Preparation of teeth

After endorsement of your treatment plan, you will return for an arrangement where the teeth are arranged so that facade can be set onto them.

Impressions of your teeth and pre employable photographs will be taken and afterward every tooth will be independently ready by managing down to the expected sum contingent upon the last plan and objective. Once in a while very little or no tooth readiness might be required. Further point by point impressions will be taken and these are shipped off the dental specialist for plan and creation.

Nitty gritty Impressions-plan creation

During this holding up period, your dental specialist could fit on brief facade.

Stage 3: Fitting

uniquely crafted facade

Following 10-14 days, your uniquely crafted facade will return and with your dental specialist you will assess the fit, shape, and shade of the facade to ensure they're ideal for you.

After which, your dental specialist will completely clean your teeth, and actually take a look at the attack of the facade on your teeth. Minor changes might be expected to guarantee an ideal fit and slight alteration of tooth shape can be made moreover. Extremely impressive glue concrete is then used to bond the facade to the tooth. Your dental specialist will guarantee you are alright with the new facade and will tell you the best way to appropriately take care of them.

After this arrangement, you will be prepared to flaunt your new grin. Aftercare arrangements can be sorted out whenever required.

Dental specialist aftercare-fitting-cleaning

To guarantee your facade keep going to the extent that this would be possible, we prompt against:

utilizing front teeth to chomp on hard articles

gnawing nails and pens and so forth

grating teeth

biting extremely hard food sources

opening things with the teeth

What could dental facade at any point help right?

The advantages of facade range from corrective benefits to dental advantages.

Right stains and discolouration

Decrease slantedness and holes

Conceal chips and minor harms

Forestall tooth rot

They look and feel normal

Negligibly intrusive contrasted with other dental rectification gadgets like supports

By and large, corrective techniques like facade can assist with oral wellbeing by forestalling and assisting with limiting specific dental circumstances.

Which kind of facade is best for me?

The sort of facade you pick will rely upon your spending plan, requirements, and inclinations. Your dental specialist will likewise survey the kind of dental facade that will turn out best for you. There are two types1 of facade: porcelain and gum based composite.

Porcelain facade

Porcelain facade are produced using slender and solid bits of porcelain. They are put on the tops and sides of the teeth. To attach2 them, your dental specialist will probably have to eliminate some finish from the tooth prior to putting them.

Porcelain facade are stylishly super and can have similar variety as regular teeth, yet it is feasible to make them more white also contingent upon your prerequisites. On that note - porcelain facade are an incredible choice for patients with serious teeth discolouration that can't be revised with teeth brightening.

Tar based composite facade

Tar based composite facade are like porcelain facade, however they will more often than not be more affordable and require less lacquer evacuation. Some of the time, a dental specialist may not actually need to eliminate any polish prior to setting the composite facade. These should ordinarily be possible in a solitary arrangement.

Could I at any point pay for my facade with Medisave?

Sadly, dental facade are not Medisave-claimable as Medisave claims are held for surgeries just, like insight tooth expulsion. Facade are viewed as a corrective strategy. Dental clinic in mogappair

Recent studies have shown conflicting hypotheses as to what causes erectile dysfunction. Impotence is characterized by short-lived erections that don't allow for a proper medical diagnosis. It's commonly overlooked and misunderstood that some men with a low sperm count may be able to father biological children. Men's reports of having trouble getting and keeping an erection have been on the increase (or ED). It's only by giving that you may reach your objectives. Heart disease is more likely to strike those who are overweight, have high blood pressure, or have poor circulation. High cholesterol compounds the risks associated with smoking.

Erectile dysfunction, or male impotence, is unrelated to a man's age, genes, or physical attractiveness (ED). It's possible that issues with a woman's mental or physical health are at the root of her infertility.

Both physical illness and regular psychological stress have been linked to impotence issues. Some people with mental health disorders struggle to form and maintain meaningful relationships with others because of their persistent worry and pessimism.

Nonetheless, even if sexual dysfunction remained, it would impact no more than a tiny fraction of the population. The correlation between infertility and mental anguish has been shown by a number of studies. There are a variety of applications that all need quick and easy access to the original data. This is a really timely and important issue. People with severe mental illnesses are more likely to act irregularly because they are more open to the emotional influences of their surroundings. [S] There are a few things in nature that you should think about. It might be challenging to start again if you have already invested a lot of time or money. As we will see, there is no cause for alarm if we investigate further.

The complexities of why males would choose to urinate in their own homes are beyond the scope of this discussion. It's generally accepted that the mental and emotional stress associated with menstruation is a significant contributor to women's distress.

Both schizophrenia and severe depressive illness may have serious effects on a person's daily life. Given how similar the two calamities are, it's not unreasonable to assume that they are related. Self-esteem issues are common among depressed men.

The middle of the stage is where all the action is. The severity of the crisis has caused them to lose trust in their own talents. There is a natural and unwelcome loss in penile erection strength linked with ageing. Veins and arteries in the penile region become less flexible and smaller as we become older.

Ejaculatory dysfunction may occur if the testes are not getting enough blood. This may be the actual cause of ejaculatory dysfunction in most guys. Plaque and atherosclerosis buildup cause arteries to stiffen and narrow, decreasing blood flow. Incidences of cerebrovascular incidents are linked to the prevalence of atherosclerosis or the accumulation of fatty deposits in the arteries. The development of an atherosclerotic plaque involves many stages.

Grief might be exacerbated by issues with the heart's electrical system or valves. Until they reach their 60s, most men don't have any problem getting or keeping an erection.

Put Cenforce 100 features to good use. Male infertility is on the increase, and spinal cord injuries are a key contributing factor. Thank you for reading the following statement with me in mind. The following language is recommended for citing purposes.

Multiple neurological and behavioral disorders have been linked to chronic inflammation in the medulla oblongata (MO). Some studies have shown that medications such as antibiotics and corticosteroids make symptoms worse.

Diabetes and hyperthyroidism are only two of many illnesses and conditions linked to impotence (ED). Among other possible targets is the pituitary gland. Perhaps one of these innate abilities has been compromised.

The odds of having a kid with a birth defect or a stillbirth are greatly increased by using stimulants like cocaine or amphetamines during pregnancy, according to scientific research. Substance abuse weakens one's will, making it more difficult to control libidinal urges.

When used in moderation, alcohol reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease. High blood pressure and smoking together are dangerous to anyone's health.

Immediately seek medical treatment if you experience any of the following signs: A doctor may run a battery of diagnostics on a patient who comes in complaining of erectile dysfunction.

Self-care is often more convenient than seeing a doctor, especially when the underlying health issue is minor. Don't let this deter you, however; there are occasions when you can handle minor health difficulties without leaving the home. In the medical field, not much has changed since the new year began.

Potential risks associated with these treatments deserve further attention from researchers. Testosterone replacement therapy is something you might look into if you feel like your current treatment isn't doing the trick. Research suggests that testosterone's libido-boosting effects are both temporary and permanent.

Men may have trouble conceiving if their testosterone levels are too low. Reexamining the original text is more necessary than ever in light of current events. Whether or whether a guy can achieve and maintain an erection depends on the size of his prostate. Seeing a doctor is recommended if you're in this condition. Here comes the evidence, so have it ready. To my knowledge, this is the best implementation of [my idea]. If men want to feel and behave like young men far into their golden years, many modern medical experts recommend they begin testosterone injections in their 30s. Despite the common occurrence of erectile dysfunction, studies like this one provide hope.

Every woman, regardless of her age or sexual orientation, has the same opportunity for a healthy pregnancy and a safe delivery. Human health may be negatively impacted by the demands of contemporary life. Low levels of physical activity, a high-sodium diet, and prolonged emotional stress all increase the likelihood that one may develop hypertension (such as high cholesterol or blood sugar).

Things were a lot tougher when I was younger. A man's erectile dysfunction may respond to dietary changes, but there are also drugs that might help.

Efficacy data (ED) from clinical trials of the erectile dysfunction drug Vidalista 20 are promising (ED). Men with stress-induced erectile dysfunction may benefit from getting less sleep. The people who took part in the research drastically reduced their typical amounts of exercise and food intake.

Before establishing a diagnosis or prescribing any drugs, your primary care physician will do a thorough physical examination. Your doctor may order a battery of tests to rule out other possible causes, depending on the severity of your symptoms. The list below includes some suggestions for further studies. Male infertility may be caused by a number of different things, although usually only one of them is active at any one moment. The first thing a doctor does is a complete physical examination. The results of this examination might help your doctor formulate a personalized treatment strategy.

We will read any suggestions sent in any format. After establishing a proper diagnosis, the doctor may provide advice. This is a terrific place to settle down permanently for both your mental and physical health.

Protein

Protein is a major component of the body's structure and is used to build bones and muscles. >>

When you consume foods that are rich in protein help us in feeling fuller and longer. >>

A diet that is high in protein could help in lessening the desire to be hungry and boost feelings of satisfaction.>>

Fiber is a kind of sugar that can be found in whole grains, organic foods and vegetables, as well as seeds, nuts lentils, beans peas, as well as a few dairy products. >>

Whole grains, organic items and vegetables are rich in fiber. However, refined grains, processed meats and sweet drinks contain almost nothing. >>

A diet rich in fiber may help bring down cholesterol levels, and can help prevent coronary disease.>>

The water you drink keeps everything running just as you would expect inside your body. >>

Drink around 8 glasses of water a daily to keep well-hydrated. >>

Drink until you are well-hydrated throughout the course of the day. >>

If you're dehydrated and thirsty, you'll need to drink more.>>

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Healthy fats are great for helping to maintain satiety, improve the temperament of your child and keep your cerebrum in tip-top shape. >>

Avocados eggs, salmon, eggs olive oil, as well as oily cuts of meat provide solid fat.>>

Starches are your body's preferred fuel. Fildena 150 is the answer to the issue of men’s erectile dysfunction. >>

Complex carbs provide you with energy levels and help in weight loss. >>

Basic carbs give you an energy boost that is rapid and then a crash. >>

Good choices include earthy colored rice as well as quinoa, yams organic, organic made from 100% whole grain bread.>>

It is the most efficient method to improve your fitness. >>

If you want to get fit, then you must, in the beginning, practicing is the most important step you should practice. >>

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Perform something simple no matter if it's just a stroll through the neighborhood.>>

Lemons are among the most widespread sources of both citrus extract as well as L-ascorbic acid, and are abundant in both. >>

Lemonade is a great drink to power your day's activities. >>

It is available at a low cost in virtually any item of the market for soil. >>

Lemon is a great aid in the mid-season by combating dehydration and heatstroke.>>

The strawberry that is grown in the nursery is a half and half variety of the family of Fragaria which is also known as strawberries. >>

It is designed to be a natural product all over the world. >>

The scent of the fruit and striking pink hue, the succulent texture, and the pleasantness are noticeable. >>

The amazing feature of strawberries is the fact that they can be found in many different kinds of flavors. >>

People who are trying to get into shape, and all sorts of people can see strawberries as extremely supportive. >>

The fruit is a great source for weight loss because it has a significant amount of fiber, but not much energy. >>

Dear Captain Awkward,

My male friend is engaged to a (female) Darth Vader. She (the Darth) literally sucks all of the fun out of everything. She is ALWAYS embroiled in drama, whether that be with my friend (he/him), at her workplace, with her family, with her neighbors … literally, with EVERYBODY. They have been together for four years, they just moved in together last month, and their wedding is scheduled for next year.

My predicament: my social group (co-ed) is very close. The women of the group (of which I am one of them) also do side-hangs that are female-only. The men do too, but that’s less about having a mens-only space vs choosing to do an activity that none of the women are interested in, vs our hangs (female-only) that are purely out of wanting a female-only space. These are usually camping weekends, pool/beach days, occasional happy hours. Maybe 3x a year.

Anyways, we (the women) all cannot stand Darth. (The men can’t either, but they tolerate her better since she usually wants to hang onto us at events) She drains our energy, she’s ALWAYS complaining about our friend (who has been in the group for 10+ years, vs her four), she doesn’t respect our boundaries about topics we’re willing to talk about (such as our friend – we’ve tried to make her stop), we catch her in constant lies/flip-flops that are baffling (who wanted to get married, how the proposal went, who wanted to move in first, whether they were moving into a new house or she was moving in with him, whether her mom likes him, whether her friends like him, etc), she has a terrible habit of getting very drunk and cornering one person to unload all her anguish onto (at a WEDDING she once cornered the GROOM to tell him how she couldn’t wait to be pregnant and that she and our friend would have to quit our friend group and find Parent Friends to hang out with) … it’s just a lot. So: we would like to exclude Darth from our female-only hangs. Is that okay? I think it would really hurt her feelings (but EVERYTHING hurts her feelings) and I think it would bother my friend, but we did do a group check-in a while ago to express our groups concerns about Darth to him and he said he was happy and thanked us for our concern but wants to keep dating her.

I hate that I feel icky about excluding her, but I frankly can’t stand her either.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Hello! Thank you for this question about Geek Social Fallacies gone wild. 

As a start, I think you should go ahead and plan the next all-woman friend hang without this person you don’t like. You’re allowed to just do it! 

For best results:

• Pick something low-key that doesn’t need a long lead time. (Fewer moving parts, less planning back-and-forth, and much less time for someone to spill the beans. Keep it simple!)
• Don’t use the normal, All-Group channels that are visible to either Darth, your friend, and the menfolk. Call or text the women directly to invite them. 
• Actively take the lead in planning, and emphasize the “I” over the “We” in any written invitations and logistical stuff you send out. “I’d like to see some of my favorite ladies for [activity] on [date], can you join me?”  (This will be important later.) 
• Do not put Darth’s name or anything about her in writing. If necessary, use the phone or face-to-face conversations to tell invitees you’re experimenting with planning “more intimate” events, so you’d appreciate it if this specific event remained invite-only and off of social media. I predict most of your compatriots will pick up what you’re putting down fairly immediately, but if you need to be more specific, try “I want to try hanging out with just us, no Darth this time, but I don’t want it to be A Whole Thing, so use a little discretion, thanks.”  
• Organize/attend the actual thing and have a great time! 
• While you’re all together,  resist the temptation to bash Darth in absentia, even though I realize that you are only human and there is a lot of material/catharsis. You can’t control what people will do or say, but still, I beg you, try your best to redirect the conversation so this lady doesn’t ruin a party she isn’t even at. “”If we talk about Darth the whole time, it kind of ruins the part where she’s not here.”  “I don’t think she’s technically a Candyman, but shhhhhhhhh, let’s not risk summoning her by accident!” “Someday I’m probably going to have to look Friend and Darth in the eye and say that we didn’t plan this whole thing just to exclude and bash her, so help me out!” 

If everything goes smoothly, congratulations, you’ve enjoyed a Darth-free friend hang and established a new normal where including a person you loathe is not mandatory for seeing friends you like. By just going ahead and planning it, you will have pre-empted a massive group melt-down over whether this is even possible. In future, other women in the group can either piggy-back on your success and enjoy more Darth-free hangs, or they can default back to the old way out of guilt and obligation or the off-chance one of them actually likes her. Either way, you can keep planning Darth-free events when it’s your turn to organize stuff, because you don’t actually need permission or consensus! (Consider that it is actually way less mean to host a party for just the people you like without trying to convince a whole group to share your exact feelings or create social bylaws about who is allowed to exclude whom.)

Remember when I said that owning all of this as your decision would be important later? When you’re hosting an event, you get to make the guest list, and if someone tries to argue with you about that, you can say, my party, my rules, next time, when you organize something, invite whomever you like! This goes for the other women in the group AND the men. “You’re free to invite her on your hobby weekends if you care so much!” “She doesn’t like hobby!” “Okay then! Since it’s not your problem, then you’ll forgive me if I find my own solutions.” “It’s only a couple of times a year, why make a big deal about it?” “Exactly, it’s only a couple of times a year, so why is she making such a big deal about it? I don’t recall marrying anybody!” Keep using ‘I’ language and embrace being The Difficult One for a change. The second you try to invoke the Reasonable “We,”  you’re fucked, because then it IS actually a “We all got together and decided we don’t like you ” Group Grievance, also known as The Drama-Monger’s Banquet.

Now, let’s be honest, I don’t think that you are going to be able to avoid any and all awkward confrontations about this forever. Especially as their wedding approaches, everything will probably escalate as Seating Chart Theatre gets underway, so there’s that to look forward to. Eventually, Darth is going to find out that she’s been excluded from stuff she used to be grudgingly included in, and she’s going to be loud and weird about it. She might be loud and weird directly at you, but my prediction is that she’s going to cause enough stink that her betrothed and the other menfolk in the group are going to try to outsource all of that to you and the other women to handle like you’ve been handling it up until now… by ruining every single all-girl vacation for the last four years for the concept of group harmony. (Seems harmonious!)

Again, speaking for yourself and only yourself is going to come in handy. I didn’t say it would be easy, comfortable, or smooth, but it will be handy. 

If Darth comes direct? Be direct in return. “Darthname, I can see you are upset, but I’m not going to argue with you about this. I invited the exact people I felt like hanging out with that day, and I’m allowed to make plans without you and without consulting you.”

Say your thing and leave/mute the conversation as soon as you can. Don’t text back and forth (or at all), don’t invest time into indulging her grievance, and don’t fake-reassure her. I feel like it is a HUGE part of socialization of women and girls, especially white, neurotypical women and girls, that Everyone Must Pretend To Like Each Other All The Time, and that The World Will End if someone you actively dislike gets the accurate impression that you do not in fact adore them. I do not know who this is supposed to be FOR. It sucks to be pressured into acting like you like people you don’t. It super sucks to sense you are disliked but then have people fake-reassure you that they like you and then pull the rug out when the pressure to fake-like you gets to be so much and they explode, and now it’s not just that they don’t like you, it’s that they think they have to have an airtight list of reasons that you objectively suck because “eh, so-and-so kinda irks me” isn’t enough to justify all the faking. Whatever the fakers are worried will happen if they drop the act, the reality is almost always worse, for everyone. 

Which, this is where are are now. It doesn’t feel good to reject someone to their face, but you’ve tried faking this shit for FOUR YEARS. It sucks that your friend’s fiancée is under the impression that she inherited this close-knit knitting circle, but you have also told your actual friend straight up that you don’t like her and he’s been like “Okay, but I love her” and continued inflicting her on everyone. So it’s decision time. Are you going to fake-invite this lady you hate to everything you do forever, even though she does not even actually seem to want to be your friend (so much as to be the Bull in the China Shop Of Your Social Occasions) or are you going to risk some truthful bad feels and maybe set yourself free in the process?

She’s going to be shitty no matter what you do, so you might as well do at least some of what you want. And look, even if you liked her, dating your friend doesn’t automagically make someone your bestie or give her administrator privileges over who you hang out with and when. So if Darth keeps pushing you, or your friend gets manipulated into pushing you on her behalf, some things are going to come to a head, and one of those things might well be, “Friend, I know she’s very important to you, and I’ve bent over backwards to include her in stuff for your sake, but it’s time to accept that not everyone is destined to be close. There’s a difference between being pleasant and kind and looking for the best in her because she’s your partner, and inviting her on every girl’s trip I take for the rest of time, when you’re not even there to be a buffer. She and I are simply not compatible enough for that, so  I’m going to need you/everyone to drop this expectation and this subject.”

Will it harm your friendship to set a boundary? Hard to say. If you have this argument out loud, you may end up seeing this friend less, both because he wants to be loyal to Darth and because she insists on it. If she’s actually abusive vs. just unpleasant, she might use this as an excuse to isolate him from you and others, but you can’t prevent that by faking it or putting up with bad behavior forever. Abusers will find a way. Anticipating their every move at the expense of your own well-being is not your job! 

Again, I think the key throughout is to own it as your personal decision/need/quirk, and not try to invoke or convince anybody else to feel the same way as you. If your 95 Theses About Why The Love Of His Life Actually Sucks didn’t get through to your friend, you can freely embrace euphemisms from now on. “Oh, X and I  just rub each other the wrong way.” “Oh, X and I just didn’t gel like everyone hoped we would, it happens.” “Oh, you know what, after four years I think it’s clear that X and I will just enjoy each other more if we stop trying so hard to make fetch happen.” “Yeah, sometimes it just doesn’t work out, not everyone is meant to be close friends.”  “What matters is that *you* love her! I’m just along for the ‘I want my friend to be happy’ ride.” 

Gonna leave everyone with four wishes:

1. May this lady make or seek out her own friends who actually like her.
2. May your friend reckon with his beloved’s bad behavior instead of outsourcing it to all of you to keep the peace and pretend things are fine, and may he figure some things out before the wedding. 
3. May you release yourself from the pretense that this lady’s behavior and feelings are your fault or your problem.
4. May your future vacations include only people you like.