
…it’s important to know some basic rules, as well as some etiquette tools to keep us on the same page with respecting one another. No one says that you HAVE to follow any specific accounts, so if you’re choosing to follow someone, then there needs to be some common-ground expectations.
It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to agree with every person and account on social media. This world is filled with different perspectives which means sometimes you will have to agree to disagree.
When people are defensive on social media, this typically reveals that they are insecure or closed-minded. At any point, you can un-follow any account/person on social media that triggers you or makes you feel bad about yourself. Don’t feel bad about unfollowing people if you are making your emotional health a priority.
If you leave a comment under someone’s post, know that you are putting yourself out there to a world of strangers. You’re taking a chance that someone may reply with a mean or judgmental comment. If you’re confident, the reply won’t leave you unglued. If you are easily hurt or have a hard time knowing people disagree with you, you may want to hold off on leaving comments.
If you believe in God, let Him be the judge of others and not you.
Social media is not the place to persuade strangers that what you believe is right and what they believe is wrong… even if what they believe is wrong.
Avoid oversharing on social media. Before you post, tweet, or share anything, think about how others might interpret it. People can screenshot what you say and use it against you. People will make assumptions, gossip about you, and worst may never forgive you for things you posted.
If you follow us on social media, it’s impossible to agree with every one of our posts and that is okay. It doesn’t hurt our feelings… we promise. If you choose to follow Marriage365 on social media, we will challenge you to look at other perspectives, think outside the box, push yourself to be uncomfortable and try new things.
Stay away from bad mouthing your spouse. Seems obvious, but a little, or big, rant of how your spouse dropped the ball on something can be really hurtful to your spouse. Not only will they feel embarrassed, but people may judge and view your spouse through a negative lens.
Remember that your humor is not universal. You may think that your sarcastic post is hilarious but there are a lot of uptight and overly sensitive people in the social media world. Just make sure your humor is appropriate for your “audience”.
Note:*a “trigger” is a wound or bruise you have about a certain topic that brings up a “fight or flight” response in your brain when you come across it, as it reminds you of something you believed to be unfair or unjust in your own life.
Am I being closed-minded about this?
Am I being too sensitive?
Do I have realistic expectations of this person or account?
Could I be misunderstanding what they’re trying to communicate?
Am I someone who is okay to agree to disagree with others while still showing respect?
Am I being stubborn and prideful?
Am I feeling insecure about myself right now?
Am I feeling triggered? If so, what is that I am feeling and why?
Does this account/person bring me more joy or frustration?
Am I just having an off day and need to go for a walk without looking at my phone?
Am I open to hearing another perspective and why?
If 90% of the time, this person or account is enjoyable, helpful, and inspiring, keep on following. But, if you find yourself unhappy, triggered, disagreeing with the majority of their posts, or even feeling left out, unfollow and don’t regret it!
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown and get on The Price is Right.

The post 12 Social Media Etiquette Tips appeared first on Marriage365®.
Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/12-social-media-etiquette-tips/
But the question that begs a deeper understanding here is why? Why is it uncomfortable or scary to sit down and talk about race with your best friend? There are many reasons, but let’s boldly look at a few, together.
Your spouse may not want to talk about racism with you because:
→ many people don’t want to sound disingenuous or insensitive, so they say nothing.
→ racism may be a firsthand experience for your spouse (or someone they know) and it may be difficult for them to re-live or put into words.
→ the history of many diverse communities is tied to a period of horrible acts such as slavery, torture and sexual abuse; many people are afraid it will turn into a “who suffered more” conversation and they fear their viewpoints will immediately become invalid or misunderstood.
→ many people have not done enough research on the topic of racism or do not have much, if any, first hand experience so they feel their voice is irrelevant to the conversation. And if this is the case, it can be very overwhelming to know where to start.
→ it is a topic that many people believe has the potential to change another persons’ view of them and they are afraid to say the wrong thing.
→ they may truly not believe that racism exists and believe that talking about it will give the movement more fire than peace.
→ they may be struggling with racism themselves and be afraid to express that.
→ many people were raised in a home where racism was never a healthy discussion but instead a heated, angry and opinionated topic so they avoid talking about it all together.
All of those reasons are possible explanations as to why some struggle with having this conversation. And no, I’m not saying that having a racist point of view is acceptable, but what I am saying is that if there is ever going to be any healthy traction or growth in this kind of conversation, it has to be had without judgment, criticism, shaming, slander, or hatred.
The truth is that racism is a conversation that needs to be had between you and your spouse, not because it’s a current world conversation, but because whether you know it or not, each of you does have a viewpoint on this topic and that means it’s on the table for discussion in the marriage arena, like all other topics are and should be. Marriage is about sharing life together, growing through your differences and similarities and having this very important racism conversation is an opportunity for you to love each other, learn about each other, challenge each other, grow through each other, and discuss how you can be united together. The point is to connect, grow, and understand… always.
A few years ago, we had a very eye-opening conversation about this topic that came from one of our closest friends experiencing racism in his life. Casey and I were both raised in neighborhoods with all different races and our parents taught us to respect all people no matter the color of their skin. So when our friend started to share his stories and feelings of how he’s handled racism, it made us think about things that we had never even considered and we ended up having a much needed conversation. It brought us together and shed light on new areas that both of us needed to discuss.
You formed your point of view through an entire lifetime of experiences, conversations, and education (be it self-led-research or institutionalized learning). Most likely, your spouse did not have the same experiences, conversations, or education as you did. This means there’s room to respectfully learn about how you each came to your unique understanding and perspective on this topic.
Your spouse will never share the real, deep, authentic truths of their heart with you if you jump to conclusions about what they mean or are trying to say. Making assumptions about our spouse’s intentions causes us to become defensive and judgmental instead of understanding and gracious. If you feel triggered by something your spouse says, ask clarifying questions!
This is a difficult topic to discuss and it might be difficult for your spouse to find the words to convey their scope of understanding and processing. Be gracious. Consider saying “I’ve never thought of that before – could you explain why you think that?” rather than “I don’t believe it; that’s never happened to me.” Or “help me understand how you came to believe that” instead of “that doesn’t make any sense; you’re wrong; do you even have sources to back that up?”.
Bonus tip: If you can’t talk about your bills, parenting styles, or sex life without fighting, then it’s probably time to focus on building a stronger emotional connection before you talk about racism. We want you to succeed with this topic of racism and that means you have to be able to be in a good place emotionally.
Final thoughts: We understand that we are not experts on the topic of racism. In fact, like you, we are learning and educating ourselves by committing to having more honest conversations together and with our children. This blog is by no means a cure to fix racism but at Marriage365, we will always help couples, as best we can, to talk about all topics, even heated, uncomfortable and new ones. And we believe that if you and your spouse have healthy conversations in your home, and begin to teach your children how to be inclusive to all people of all colors, we will see a positive impact in our world.
Written by Meygan Caston and Anna Collins

The post How to talk about racism with your spouse appeared first on Marriage365®.
Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/how-to-talk-about-racism-with-your-spouse/