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MzHeather

Who wants good news today? Letter Writer #762 and Letter Writer #1194 both have good news about making happy lives away from controlling and homophobic parents.

Hi Captain! 

Five years ago, I wrote in and became LW 762. I thought I’d give an update. Trigger warning: my mum makes repeated threats of suicide/self harm.

Eventually, in 2017, I finished university (having relied on your advice to make it more bearable) and went on a 3.5 month holiday. My mother, in the lead up, insisted she was going to die and sent me messages at all hours. The holiday was a lot of fun regardless, and helped me to be more confident in myself. 

In January 2018, I moved out in secret – my parents were both away from the house on a Friday and a couple of my friends and I packed my things into a couple of cars and I moved into an apartment with a friend. Unfortunately, I didn’t quite cut off contact with my family and mum manipulated me into going over every weekend – if I didn’t, she was going to suffer in one way or another, and so would my dad and sister or whatever. 

The thing was, my parents said that it would be better if I moved interstate, because it wouldn’t be as embarrassing to them if I was living out of the family home if they could tell their friends that it was because I had moved interstate for my job. I talked my workplace into transferring me to one of their interstate offices, and I moved 2000km away from my family in August 2019. 

During this time, by the way, the whole arranged marriage thing became more of an issue. My parents started actively looking just before I finished university and it became more pervasive (especially because my parents kept telling me I’d have to lose weight to be more attractive).

Anyway, mum nevertheless kept visiting me, and in the first three months of living interstate she stayed with me for a total of 6 weeks. When she wasn’t down, she’d sometimes insist that my sister visit as well. I live in a one bedroom apartment with a total floorspace of all of 50 metres square. It wasn’t fun.  

Luckily, I guess, mum hadn’t been able to visit me at all during 2020 thanks to Covid-19 and my country’s interstate travel restrictions. This is the one silver lining of the pandemic. 

Since moving interstate, I’d become more involved in queer circles and the city I moved to is distinctly more queer and progressive. I’d met a lovely amazing person (they/them pronouns), and we’d started dating. My partner then moved into my place during our city’s lockdown.

So, last Wednesday, I sent an email to my parents, coming out. I said I was in a same sex relationship, rather than explaining that my partner is non binary because that would have been too much for them. I did tell them I was involved in my workplace’s LGBTQI committee and with a charity supporting LGBTQI people, and that I’m very happy. 

They responded with 60 emails in the space of a week, with lots of abusive, homophobic content, including about how I’d lose my job, that my partner is a terrible person scamming me for free accommodation and food, that I’m being written out of the will and oh, by the way, my parents are going to die from the horror. My mother then flew down yesterday (despite the travel restrictions) and I called the police because I froze up in fear of her. The police have put in place an interim DVO and next week is the court hearing to decide on whether to issue a proper final DVO. 

The thing is, I’m fine. I’m raw around the edges because, like, that was a lot! But I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past few years helping me to heal even before the whole coming out episode, I have an amazing circle of friends who’ve been so supportive since 2015 and who are all very proud of me, my partner is a pillar of support, and my workplace has been so helpful. (No, seriously, I accessed a leave policy designed for victims of family violence, so I had yesterday and today off, and I have leave for the hearing, all paid, in addition to my team members checking in on me and telling me not to worry about work.)

So, I have my space and it took some time. Sometimes I wondered whether it would happen. It did! and it’s amazing and I can ‘fail’ here and no one judges me. I feel safe and free (not least because of my partner who is wonderful, did I tell you that, because it’s very very true and bears repeating).

Love
LW#762 (who has now expanded from making cheesecakes to cinnamon rolls) (she/her)

Dear LW #762,

Thanks for this message, it was wonderful to find out that you are doing so well. I am so sorry that your mom escalated to such a scary place, but you did such a great job taking care of yourself and calling on all the support resources at your disposal!

Queer kids should not be subject to emotional abuse and the prospect of losing family ties and financial and emotional resources for being who they are. It’s hard to find any upsides here, but I hope the scary way your mom escalated things at least shows that nothing you could have done, no amount of compliance or performance, would have ever appeased her or convinced her that you get to be in charge of your own life.

I hope you cherish your hard-won freedom and happiness and know that your story is going to be the one that sets some other young person free someday.

Hi Captain!

Your recent posts made me think + feel better about where I am with my life and career, so thanks for that. It also made me think about how kind and helpful your advice was when I wrote in to last year, so I thought I’d write in to update you:
  • I did not end up visiting my parents last summer, and in fact we stopped speaking for a couple of months. I felt bad and guilty and ashamed, but also… very relieved. It gave me the mental and emotional space I needed to settle into my new apartment and adjust to living with my partner. 
  • My mum and I started speaking again after a couple of months, and our relationship is pretty much the way it always was, which is: mostly fine, with a good dash of avoidance of Difficult Topics and mutual incomprehension.
  • I did speak to my father a couple of months ago when I called home for a major holiday. It was very stilted, but we stuck to light topics, and overall I’m happy with how it went.
  • I have now graduated with a PhD and have a job that allows me to stay in the United States without worrying about visa or financial issues.
  • I am very happy with my partner (even during these stay-at-home times), and in addition to the cat that we had when we moved in, we’ve now started fostering a dog!

Captain, above all you reminded me that my parents’ skewed perspective is neither my fault nor my responsibility. This was something that I knew rationally but, as someone who grew up both loving and fearing my parents, has been an ongoing process emotionally. In addition to my girlfriend and the friends who closed ranks around me, it was really fucking valuable to have you (and the whole community of CA commenters!) stand in the corner of someone they’ve never even met with that amount of love and kindness and protectiveness. I was and continue to be profoundly moved by that. So: thank you very much ❤ ❤ ❤

Best wishes,

LW 1194

P.S. I’m happy for you to share on the blog if you see fit, because I’d love for the people who commented to know how grateful I am!

Dear LW 1194,

Congratulations on your degree, your job, your new home, and all the love you’ve surrounded yourself with. You deserve every good thing.

Reading your message and the message from your comrade #762 made my week. Pride celebrations are cancelled due to pandemic but that doesn’t mean that your parade isn’t still happening in our hearts. ❤

Keawe Mbawera

Ik ben echt verbaasd over het gebruik van de gloednieuwe Salomon Speedcross 5. De werkelijk geoptimaliseerde match die niettemin de daadwerkelijke voeten omhelst, biedt echter veel meer ruimte in de voorste voet, de feitelijk verbeterde opvulling en comfort en gemak, vooral met de middenvoetsbeentjes, en ook de uitzonderlijke gespecialiseerde algehele prestaties van de schoenenaanbiedingen verhoogden het aantal geassocieerd Jordan 6 Rings Schoenen goedkoop met landschap en bereik precies waar ik dit specifieke schoeisel zal selecteren zonder er twee keer over na te denken. Jordan Spizike GS-schoenen Ik geloof dat de feitelijke verhoogde dikte en de balans van het schoeisel het voor veel meer mensen gemakkelijk kunnen maken om het eens te proberen. Helpen om absoluut geen fouten te maken, het zijn niet echt straatschoeisel en 50k-onverharde wegschoenen, tenzij natuurlijk welk vuil zowel zacht als saai is, als je kilometers een persoon beschouwen als exotisch, ruig, onhandig, toendra -y, of zelfs vies landschap, de Salomon Speedcross 5 is misschien wel je eigen ideale aanvulling.

Als het gaat om het uiterlijk van een echt pad, verschijnt Salomon elk verblijf met zijn unieke stijlconcepten en begeleidt het de daadwerkelijke lading binnen de allernieuwste stijl in een klein bedrijf dat lijkt te worden overgedragen aan de eerdere jaren 1990 aan zee Als je kijkt, maar ook door heel ver, kun je hun eigen schoenen kiezen Jordan 3 Retro schoenen en kleding.Hoewel we hun eigen schoenenstijlen, gespecialiseerde functies en stevigheid zeer respecteren, heb ik geen manier had de gelegenheid om ze aan te trekken met betrekking tot extreem lange kilometers. Het heeft absoluut niets te maken met Salomon-schoenen en alles met betrekking tot mijn persoonlijke verminkte, verdelende en enigszins artritis ft. Desalniettemin begrijp ik dat ben niet alleen welke andere mensen in Salomon-schoenen hebben gestreden met betrekking tot lange ultramarathon-mijlen, ook.

De daadwerkelijke ontlading van de Salomon S / LAB Extreem $ 180 deze specifieke lente ervoer mijn persoonlijke verwachtingen opwaarts. Het punt is dat mijn persoonlijke problemen samen met Salomon tweeledig zijn; dunne toeboxes en ongelooflijk organiserende voorste voetvulling. Het feitelijke S / Lab Extremely, dat was gemaakt met enter via Fran? Ois D 'haene, werd het meest gerespecteerd om deze twee problemen op te lossen. Toen we het daadwerkelijke schoeisel met betrekking tot screening kregen, vochten we de allereerste Jordan 4 Retro-schoenen handvol operaties. Omdat de voorste voetvulling geweldig was, leek de feitelijke dikte van de toebox toch een goed probleem ... voordat schoenen binnen bijna dertig kilometer echt versplinterden. Hieronder is eigenlijk precies wat we leuk vonden met betrekking tot dit schoeisel naast plaatsen met betrekking tot verbetering.

Keawe Mbawera

Con la experiencia experimentada con varios zapatos o botas S / Lab, personalmente llegaría a asumir la malla fina disponible y también aireada en la que vendrá este tipo de diseños ligeros y orientados a la carrera. Con todo el S / Lab Super, Salomon tomamos la decisión de alejarnos por completo del estilo con respecto a la S / Lab Perception Super del año anterior y también generar una gran mejora junto con muchas superposiciones soldadas y resistentes. Este tipo de diseño modifica, junto con una mayor absorción de impactos, más de un total de onzas para la bota, pero los zapatos Jordan 6 Retro desarrollaron resistencia dentro de las espadas. El S / Lab Super particular mantiene las características de estilo que todos asumimos de su bota S / Lab, que incluye Endofit, cualquier área amplia de almacenamiento de encaje, así como el método Kevlar Quicklace, pero superposiciones suaves de Sensifit, que pueden reducir las superposiciones en ese tiempo con todos los cordones en la parte media del pie, ciertamente son una nueva inclusión. Aunque este tipo de característica no me tomó el tiempo, eso adquiriría varios todoterreno, cualquier adherencia, y también parecía duplicado, ofreció el interior de Endofit súper cerrado de Salomon.

El lenguaje particular se agregará más grueso, en comparación con los diseños de Salomon más livianos, y también reforzado, lo que generalmente ayudaría a mantener un montón de barro y también fuera del camino fuera de la bota. Mi compañero y yo adoramos la olla particular de tacón alto y también el collar de perro, que puede ser suave al principio, pero que en realidad se adapta al tacón alto particular y también retiene ese cierre recto hacia abajo en cualquier momento ascendente inclinaciones de alta pendiente. Total, aquí está el traje de Salomon bloqueado idéntico al que has llegado a suponer, usando una puntera un Zapatillas Jordan MARS 270 baratos poco más grande. Aunque mi compañero y yo sin duda probablemente no miraríamos esta extensiva puntera en lo más mínimo, eso analiza mucho más directamente a un nuevo Equilibrium RADIO CONTROLLED 1400 o tal vez Nike Terra Competition algunos, que es algo más grande que las zapatillas Jordan 5 Retro en comparación con prácticamente cualquier bota S / Lab anterior.

Salomon S-Lab Super lado ver

El particular Salomon S / Lab Super lado más alto.

Suela intermedia Salomon S / Lab

Al igual que prácticamente cualquier bota de Salomon, hemos llegado a asumir cualquier absorción de impactos reactiva y también dura, bajo los pies, lo que puede ser excelente con respecto al trabajo de ritmo más rápido. Definitivamente, mi propia dificultad radica en que cuando entro en los niveles particulares posteriores de su concurso o tal vez en el trabajo de educación, también 50k, mi propia bola del pie normalmente pregunta sobre capricho como resultado de una absorción de choque insuficiente. Salomon aborda este tipo de dentro del S / Lab Super utilizando espuma de memoria Vitality Cell + dentro de la punta del pie, que se puede rodear dentro de su espuma de memoria AVOI de doble densidad normal. Este tipo de inclusión de los zapatos Jordan 12 Retro, su espuma de memoria más flexible y extremadamente fuerte, puede ser un cambio de videojuegos, creo, y también me autorizó a trabajar 100k junto con dieciséis, 000 dedos de los pies con respecto a adquirir sin una modificación de arranque.

Keawe Mbawera

Der er masser af atleter til rådighed, som ikke har forsøgt Reebok 's Floatride skum polstring. I tilfælde af, at det er en person, skal du udføre dig selv og foretrække, og købe fodtøjet med fremvisning af Floatride.

Det er en Pebax skum som Nike 's ZoomX (som synes om Air Force 1 sko billige Nike Move Pegasus Turbo to såvel som Nike' s elite farende fodtøj, den faktiske Vaporfly Next%). Og såsom ZoomX, Floatride-klipper !. Det kan sammenlignes inden for rebound såvel som magt tilbage til Adidas 'Forøgelse, dog tættere såvel som på en eller anden måde lettere i vægt. Floatride er faktisk nøjagtigt, hvad Forøg Høj DEFINITION må have været. Du vil ikke køkkenvaske i den faktiske skum omkring dig er nødt til at gøre sammen med stigning.Og det er virkelig godt, når du beskæftiger Air Force 1 MID sko med tempo rutiner.

Såvel som for alle, der gik inden for den allerførste Floatride Operate, udgave to funktioner 20% meget mere skum. Hvilket betyder, at du har mere skum og meget mere rebound for nøjagtige samme omkostninger.

Reebok Floatride Betjen to trækkraft

Trækkraft

Den egentlige Reebok Floatride Operate to inkluderer et stigen-lignende design langs Air Force 1-sko online med rigelige nubber samt kraftig gummieret. Det er fremragende gulv at komme i kontakt med, såvel som i øjeblikket var der ikke nogen form for glidning inden for fugtige problemer. Jeg har gået mere end 50 kilometer i løbet af mit sæt dog ved at se på den faktiske trækkraft, du antager sandsynligvis, at jeg lige har køre flere kilometer. Den faktiske ydersål er faktisk ekstremt langvarig og burde virkelig meget let være færdig med mere end tre hundrede kilometer.

forsyninger Nike Air Force 1 High 07 LV8 WB CK4580 100 Hvid / Rød / Grøn Sko

Den faktiske Floatride Operate to inkluderer en 2-bygning topbygning. Den egentlige baghæl er virkelig en polyesterfugtighed, der vækker materialer fuld af skumdæmpning sammen med en baghælens benplade af plastmateriale. Den faktiske midtfod såvel som forfoden er konstrueret med Reebok 's UltraKnit (stor luftstrøm). Gleam TPU-kasse, der omfatter den faktiske midtfod samt indpakning Air Force 1 SHADOW-sko rundt baghælen samt over bunden fra fodtøjet med hensyn til balance.

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