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Becky Earley

 

 

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Michelle + Kelly Portrait Gallery-90.jpg

I am a half black, half white man married to a Korean American woman and this is our story on how we experienced racial reconciliation in our marriage.

I was new to the area, pursuing my master’s degree when a peer invited me to her house party. Upon entrance, I saw a cute Asian girl dancing in the corner with some friends to Spice Girls and asked my friend who she was: “Oh, that’s my roommate Michelle and she’s currently in a relationship but I don’t think it’s gonna work out.” I proceeded to write down my phone number on a piece of paper and told my friend: “Well, when Michelle’s ready for an upgrade, it’s right here” [points to self]. Turns out Michelle was ready because two weeks later, I was DJing at a nightclub in Long Beach and guess who walked in… Michelle Kim! Even though we didn’t talk much that night, I wanted to make sure she had a good time and I played plenty of 90s hits, including “Wannabe.” We hung out in group settings for several weeks before I finally mustered the courage to ask her on a proper date which landed on Good Friday 2011. 

A couple of months later, she told her Korean immigrant parents about me and they were less than thrilled to find out that their daughter was dating a black (albeit half) man. They begged her to break up with me for a myriad of reasons that were essentially rooted in fear. They had hopes and dreams for their daughter that didn’t include a future with a man who looked like me.

I had experienced microaggression my entire childhood (although I didn’t have a word for it at the time) but it wasn’t until I dated Michelle that I understood the reality of being a black person in America. When Michelle’s parents initially rejected me without knowing me, that was the first time I realized that being black is not valuable. It also confirmed my personal suspicions that I had felt growing up that being black was undesirable. It didn’t matter that I was a pastor or an entrepreneur or a master’s student; all that mattered to Michelle’s parents was that their only daughter was marrying someone who was black. 

Michelle decided to marry me despite her parents’ disapproval and the first few years of our marriage were harder than we could have ever imagined as our cultural differences and expectations began to clash. For example, Michelle desired a level of independence that left me feeling alienated and my overinflated need for attention and acceptance left her feeling smothered. Through regular counseling, we learned then (and still do now) how to live interdependently and pursue unity as a first step towards racial reconciliation in our home and marriage. One day I was studying The Lord’s Prayer on the topic of forgiveness which taught me to release people from the responsibility to make me feel valued because my true value comes from God alone. This practice allows me to bless those who attempt to devalue or dismiss me. I would pray every day that God would restore the relationship with my new wife and my in-laws and I knew in my heart that it would not have happened if I held on to bitterness and resentment. 

Our therapist told us that time equals intimacy so as time went on, we welcomed and took advantage of any and all short, small interactions with Michelle’s parents.

Michelle checked in with her mom regularly and we intentionally extended olive branches in an effort to increase our positive interactions with her parents. After about two years into our marriage, Michelle’s parents needed help moving and we jumped at the occasion to serve because we knew that it would require all of us to be under the same roof with one mission: be productive and create a positive experience. We met a very practical need that day and to my surprise, I was welcomed with loving arms. Michelle and I chose to invest small amounts of time over time and it has made all the difference. I gave my in-laws the permission to not see me the way God sees me and it really freed me up to love them despite their prejudices. 

The pain of rejection would come in waves but the more I realized that God forgives me, the more responsibility I felt to forgive my in-laws.

As a result of both parties’ willingness to grow and by the grace of God, I now have a loving relationship with my in-laws; I even got in trouble once for calling my mother-in-law by her first name because she preferred that I call her “Oma” which means “Mom” in Korean. In July of 2019, we welcomed our first child (and their first grandbaby) into the world who is half Korean, quarter black, and quarter white and is currently hanging out with his grandparents so that we can write this blog post. 


Written by Kelly and Michelle McCoy

Kelly McCoy is a young adults & young professionals pastor at The Church at Rocky Peak and owner of Dlux Entertainment, a DJ/Emcee Company. He received his Bachelor’s degree in Organizational Leadership Development from Biola University and graduated from Talbot Seminary with his Master’s in Apologetics. @kellydlux.

Michelle is a mother, actress and photographer/owner of Michelle Kim Photography. She graduated from UC Irvine with a B.A. in Literary Journalism. She’s been featured on Ray Donovan, Grey’s Anatomy and The Gifted. @michellekimmccoy.


 

 

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The post A Look Inside Interracial Marriage appeared first on Marriage365®.


Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/a-look-inside-interracial-marriage/

Becky Earley

The power of positivity! something I’m certain you’ve heard of, but so many struggle with and we want to talk about why!

Our thoughts influence the way we see ourselves and the world around us more than you might think they do. We all have an internal narrative we hold about ourselves. In fact, our inner voice is constantly telling us things and unfortunately, more often than not, they are negative. 

When we neglect to practice self-awareness and intentional, positive self-talk, we are left with the negative thoughts we have about ourselves, and focusing on only those will leave us feeling depressed, worthless, and even disappointed. Those negative thoughts actually keep us from living a full, joy-filled life and love, risk, adventure, and meaningful relationships. But we are in control of our thoughts, which means we can always choose to redirect and change those narratives from negative to positive ones. 

Here are some examples of negative self-talk:

  • Why did I do that? I’m so stupid.
  • I’m never good enough.
  • I’m ugly. No one finds me attractive.
  • I can’t do anything right.
  • I’m a failure.
  • Once I have money, then I’ll be happy.
  • I’m not confident enough to do that.
  • I’m a terrible mom/dad.
  • No one likes my ideas.
  • If I stand up for myself, I will be an inconvenience.

Are you guilty of thinking any of these thoughts? If you answered ‘yes’ then you know that you have an opportunity to learn how to practice more positive self-talk. 

What’s amazing about our brain is that you can actually ‘trick’ it. It’s true! You can start to rewrite your internal script by speaking positive self-talk often. Think of them as little reminders that a best friend would tell you if you were feeling down.

Here are some examples of positive self-talk: 

  • I have the power to change my mind.
  • I have permission to change my mind.
  • Attempting to do this took courage and I’m proud of myself for trying.
  • I love myself for who I am.
  • Fear is only a feeling, it cannot hold me back.
  • I forgive myself for any past mistakes.
  • Even though it wasn’t the outcome I hoped for, I learned a lot about myself.
  • I’m a deserving human being.
  • I have many qualities, traits, and talents that make me unique.
  • I might still have a way to go, but I’m proud of how far I have already come.
  • I am capable and strong and I will get through this.
  • I trust in myself.
  • Tomorrow is a chance to try again, with the lessons learned from today.
  • I will give it my all to make this work.
  • I can’t control what other people think, say or do. I can only control myself.
  • This is an opportunity for me to try something new.
  • I can learn from this situation and grow as a person.
  • I have the strength to make my dreams come true.
  • I am proud of myself for even daring to try.
  • I’m allowed to be a different and better version of who I was yesterday.
  • When I get through this, I will be able to empower, help, and inspire others.
  • I can use my strengths (list a few!) to work through this. I don’t have to be good at everything and I can use these strengths to my advantage to achieve my goals here.
  • I will be better on the other side of this experience. I can do this!

Our encouragement is to write these out and put reminders all over so you can have a visual reminder.

Making positive self-talk part of your daily life is ensuring that you’re practicing self-care. And people who practice self-care are usually happier, healthier and more confident.

Written by Meygan Caston and Anna Collins

The post 18 Positive Self Talk Examples appeared first on Marriage365®.


Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/18-positive-self-talk-examples/

Becky Earley

I believe that this year has given each of us the unique, personalized, and very intimate experience of “self-reflection”…

…more than probably any other year has. We’ve been asked to be flexible, adaptable, patient, strong, wise, careful, and to shift our focus from ourselves to others around us. This global experience has hit each of us differently- it’s true, we aren’t all in the same boat, but we have all been in the same ocean. Some of us have been sinking, some of us have realized we have much more potential than we ever realized, some of us have been hit with wave after wave, and some of us have been safe from the storm, but have felt our boat rock as we’ve watched this all unfold. We are each in a unique and different phase of re-opening, but each one of us has a truth that we are holding onto as we’ve taken steps toward the light at the end of the tunnel. My question to you today is… what’s yours? 

I was always taught to never waste a challenge by not learning from it.

So here are some questions to help you learn from the last few months, whatever they may have looked like for you: 

—> What did you learn about yourself while the world has been social distancing?

—> Did you learn to enjoy time alone with your family or did it become a tough challenge and why?

—> What ugly parts of yourself do you need to address, now, in the light?

—> What was the most significant change in your perspective during this pandemic? 

—> What amazing and talented parts of yourself have you gotten to know better and now need to put into action in the world around you?

—> Who in your family do you need to apologize to? Who do you need to ask for an apology from?

—> What boundaries do you need to be better at enforcing moving forward? 

—> What made you proud of yourself the last couple of months?

—> What made you disappointed in yourself?

—> What will you miss about the last couple of months?

—> What will you not miss?

—> What friends or family members did you learn you can truly lean on in a crisis?

—> What coping skills or strongholds did you break free of that you want to stay free of?

—> What coping skills or strongholds did you fall into that may not be healthy long-term?

—> What coping skills did you develop that are healthy and that you can carry with you into the next chapter?

—> How did your marriage do during quarantine? Can you identify new growth areas and new strengths between you?

—> How did your parenting evolve during quarantine? Can you identify how you became a better/worse parent while having your kids at home? 

—> As you seek to create new normalcy, what do you want to challenge yourself to do that you haven’t ever done before? Is it realistic? If so, what are some steps you can take to help you get there?

—> During quarantine, what did you find yourself doing most to pass the time? 

—> As your calendar and non essential events were wiped clean, what did you miss the most? What did you not miss at all that you thought you would?

—> Where can you change your priorities in your life, based on what you’ve learned, to maximize your energy and passions? 

—> Now that you’ve had 2 months to experiment, what is your current definition of “self-care”? How did it change from what you thought pre-quarantine? 

—> What is something/someone you took for granted before Covid-19 that you hope to never take for granted again? 

CONNECTION CHALLENGE: Write your answers to these questions down so that you can always reflect on your life during this unprecedented time. 

The post 23 Questions To Ask Yourself Post-Quarantine appeared first on Marriage365®.


Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/23-questions-to-ask-yourself-post-quarantine/

Becky Earley

 


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????MATURE CONTENT ALERT: This is a rated R blog post intended for married women who have an open mind and who want to have a healthy and thriving sex life, but need a few ideas to help seduce their husband! 


Behind every sexy and seductive wife is a CONFIDENT woman! 

Confident women are passionate, fun, and creative lovers who want to bring pleasure to their husbands and who want to experience pleasure themselves. Being sexy and seductive for your husband is a form of foreplay and takes place both in and out of the bedroom. Seduction, also known as “sexual initiation”, shows desire for passion and keeps your sex life healthy! Women who have vibrant and fun sex lives are women who have learned the art of seduction and who are constantly striving to be more confident in all areas of their lives

So, with that said, here are some of my best tips on how to seduce your hubby!  

  • Shower by yourself, touch your genitals, and make noises as he walks by

  • Men are visual, so go buy some lingerie and surprise him with wearing a robe and then casually taking off the robe or “accidentally” showing a little bit of your lingerie. Now here’s the thing with lingerie. Women typically prefer the silky, pretty, and more comfortable lingerie, while men typically prefer the sexiest ones that are see-through, with lace, and have little to no fabric. Basically the more provocative the better!  

  • It’s all about your breasts! Play with them, touch them, let him touch them, bounce them around in his face, wear the bras that push them up and give you great cleavage and even play with you nipples. 

  • Do a striptease and the focus is on the word tease! Part of seduction is not giving your entire body away. So put on your favorite sensual song while also putting on a little show for your man. 

  • Kisses and nibbles! Slow and soft kisses on and around his ears, neck and inner thighs will have him wanting more of you. And to catch him off guard, occasionally throw a gentle nibble (or small bite) on his earlobe and neck. 

  • Use technology and send sexy texts to tease your man throughout the day! Make sure they are Rated R! Be explicit, graphic and show him how much you desire him. Here are a few examples:  

—> “I can’t wait to go down on you tonight”

—> “Who gave you the right to be so sexy?” 

—> “I love your penis in my mouth” 

—> “I am getting wet just thinking of you” 

—> “You + Me and lots of passion under the sheets!”

—>“I can’t believe you how lucky I am to have you inside of me” 

  • Massage his body with oils! Use sounds and smells that you know he loves and while massaging him, make sure you compliment his genitals. He needs to hear how attracted you are to him… all of him! 

  • The element of surprise is one of the best things you have going for you when you’re wanting to seduce your man. As soon as he comes in the door, take his hand and guide him straight into your bedroom. Or greet him wearing nothing at all!

  • If his strongest sense is smell, wear his favorite perfume and also try to wear a different one every once in a while to avoid boredom.

  • Take erotic control and show him who is boss. Make the first move and start telling him what you’re going to do to him and what you want him to do to you. Then have him lie back while you call the shots. This is going to require a lot of confidence but you’ve got this!!! 

  • Randomly bring up fantasies! Start off by saying,  “Babe, have you ever had a sexual fantasy about us?” “What fantasy do you want us to try tonight?” Be sure to watch our webcast Flirting Foreplay and Fantasies so you’re up to speed on what rules you need to follow. 

  • Write rated R love notes and leave them all around the house (unless you have kids) or put them under his pillow, in his car, and in his underwear drawer. Be graphic and explicit! 

—> “I had the wildest fantasy about you last night and want to recreate it tonight!” 

—> “I just thought of a new position that I desperately want to try with you.”

—> “You have a choice tonight, oral or shower sex! Pick one.” 

—> “Thinking about you touching me, literally, turns me on.”

—> “I cannot wait to kiss your entire body from head to toe!” 

—> “I’ll be wearing ONLY heels tonight!”

—> “I’m imagining your mouth on my body and feeling really happy right now!” 

  • Tease him with a photo. Don’t send him a nude picture of you but more subtle teasing images and seduce him. Like shots of your nipples from your shirt or a picture of how high up your skirt rides when you are at your desk at work. He will be left to imagine the rest of you. 


If your sex life is needing some TLC, start your FREE 7-day trial by becoming a member to MyMarriage365.

I recommend watching these webcasts first:

Flirting, Foreplay and Fantasies 

Oral Sex Hang Ups 

A sexless Marriage 

Our best Sex Tips 


Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown and get on The Price is Right.


 


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The post How To Seduce Your Husband appeared first on Marriage365®.


Source: https://marriage365.com/blog/how-to-seduce-your-husband/

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